The Lonely Durian Eater, The Denture Story and The Loan Shark Face

Posted on by Jolene

One thing good about having a husband is so that you’ll always have someone to open your durians for you.


Girls like me who live miles away from her father and her boyfriend and is too paiseh to call her male classmates to help her open durian(also because she wants to eat it all) will face such difficulties in life.

Damn durian cost me RM9 by the way. I know it’s expensive. But I believe no fruits should cost more than RM1.

It was so depressing as I hacked away at the durian half heartedly because I had no freakin’ idea how to go about it. I asked the stupid durian man to help me open it but he only made some shallow cuts on the durian. It doesn’t help that I’m damn scared of the thorns as well. Haih.

I nearly wanted to give up already. Lie Yuen can attest to that as she was the one who heard my moanings and groanings. YOU would be sad too. RM9 wei!

I raised the knife from above head level and brought it down to the thorny fruit at full speed – as if murdering an enemy! Thwak! Yet the durian won’t open up. )#*#$

But after many minutes of hacking(green thorns all over the floor) the damn durian, I managed to pry open the stupid(but delicious) fruit.

The place was a mess and I had to get rid of the durian skin. Since both my housemates hate durians, I should be considerate enough to bring the skins to the dumpster as soon as I was done.


I started my durian eating career at the age of 2 plus. The adults(immediate paternal family) would sit at the table and lay a piece of newspaper for me to sit on the floor to eat. They’d put a few durians on a plate for me and I’d be sitting there enjoying my durian while the adults had a good session at the table. At that time Mervyn was probably still an infant or still in my mother’s womb but he HATES durians.(and prawns too. Might as well add that while I’m at it.)

Just to paint a better image of my surroundings, I spent the first two years of my life living in my dad’s childhood home in Seksyen 18 Petaling Jaya. It’s situated right next to the KTM tracks. I like adding random information about myself whenever I can. I know nobody cares. Oh well. ;\


Bland.. blah. It only tastes fantastic after festering in the fridge for awhile. Mmm!


So much hard work. *backache*. But the taste of the durian skin after being in the fridge for 24 hours, oh god..oh god…ohhh…~

Alright, enough about durians. I’ve done the final bit of my dentures already. I used the whitening powder today to give the dentures a shiny surface. Proud to say that my dentures were the envy of my classmates(ahem, don’t jealous!) because it was damn bloody shiny. You could even check your reflection on the gums.

Let me educate you guys a little bit about occlusions:


This is a Class 3 Malocclusion.


This is an orang cacat tak sedar diri occlusion(kinda obvious that I don’t know what it is:P). Actually my teeth are slightly like that. SLIGHTLY only. Blame it on either:

1) Chewing too much on one side as a child(I was afraid my milk teeth would fall off on my right side, hence)
2) Sleeping on one side as an infant, thus impeding the growth of my jaws on one side.;(
3) Knocked on something as a child.(theory offered by my orthodontist who happily calls me, “Ahh, the lady with the crooked face,”. 🙁 )


This is an expression of approval and general satisfaction.


This expression shows doubt and concern.


This expression is of a person who is falling down sideways from the cliff.


An expression of someone screaming as he falls down from aforementioned cliff.


This is what we would call, a dislocated jaw. Heh.

It’s only during exam season that I can think of the stupidest things to do. 🙁


I didn’t wash my hair for more than 24 hours, and after clipping up in a clip for the entire day, this was the effect.


It was so full of gunk that it could stand away from my forehead. So disgusting right?


I thought I resembled Chapman To. Damn fugly lah his fringe. He is cute in a sor kua kua way though.


Or even Anita Mui’s 1980’s look?


I’ve seen more similiar pictures, but this will do.:)

But I thought that my current state of ugly hairness(not like it’s fantastic on other days, but at least it’s not embarrassingly ugly) would resemble a rogue or even a loan shark/Tai Yi Long more!


This is my imitation of a rogue. Or a crazy woman? I don’t know, you choose.


Haha.. the tai yi long series starts here.
*big mafia loan shark turns head to look at pathetic gambler*


“Lei mat sui?!” asks the Big Mafia Loan Shark rudely of the pathetic gambler. *translation: Who the f*ck are you?(in that tone la. not the exact translation)

“Orh.. cheh chin hai mai…….” says the Big Mafia Loan Shark who is actually quite understanding and wants to “help” the pathetic gambler. *translation: Oh..you want to borrow money issit..

“Ngo tong lei gong ah, yi gor lei ng chun si wan chin leh, lei chun pei kun choi la!” warned the Big Mafia Loan Shark. The gambler shivers with fear. *translation: I’m telling you, if you do not pay up on time, please prepare a coffin.


“HA!?? MOU CHIN WAN?! CHOK SEI AR!?!!” screams the Big Mafia Loan Shark at the poor pathetic gambler. *translation: WHAT?? NO MONEY TO RETURN TO ME? WANNA DIE AR?

And then imagine the big mafia loan shark going up to the poor pathetic gambler and he says…


“….April Fool!!!!”

-_-

Anyway, while I’m in the mood to make faces, here are a few more:


This is my portrayal of an eunuch. “Lei-lei-lei….*SIGH*”, a phrase usually said by exasperated eunuchs to someone who is annoying them. *translation: Y-y-you-you…..*SIGH*

Now.. do you think I can copy Ed Bighead’s look? Damn fucking ugly, but I’ll try my best.

I didn’t think it was humanly possible too.


But I managed. 😀 (plus the ugly hair so goes with the part of Ed Bighead too! Great Success!)

Anyway, don’t flame me ya! I’ll flame myself first.

WAH LAU FACE LIKE FUCK LIKE THAT, LOOK LIKE MAN, HAIR LIKE CRAZY OLD MAN, SO MANY LAYERS OF FATS, EYES LIKE SHIT, BALDING AR YOU, I WANNA VOMIT, BITCCCCHHHHHHHHHHHH, DO SOMETHING ABOUT YOUR EYEBROWS LA YOU UGLY BITCH, YOU LOOK LIKE MY DOG, YOU’RE THE UGLIEST PERSON I’VE EVER SEEN!!!!!! GO DIE!!!!!!!!!

.. *phew*.:) Now that’s better! The last time someone flamed me about my looks, I failed my biochemistry paper. Heh. But that’s because I picked a fight with her thus resulting in me checking for updates every few minutes hence, the failure. But I tak tahan insults one ya. So don’t spoil my mood. Exam next week. KEEP ME HAPPY:D Insult me the week after. No problem!

Oh, oh, 🙂 I’m the featured blogger for Nuffnang.com.my for the month of April. Terima Kasih Tim dan Ming. Manyak sayangs!

20 thoughts on “The Lonely Durian Eater, The Denture Story and The Loan Shark Face”

  1. oh oh! i saw your article on rage yesterday heh!
    and i LOL-ED at the dislocated jaw picture =P
    oh oh, and my parents used to drink cold water from the durian’s skin after finishing the durian! nice nice!
    but as i get older, my durian consumption goes down the drain =/

    ps : you’re really sugar high while taking those pics! hahaha

    jo: ahhaha..yay!! even penang can see?:D.. hehehe.. yeah man, thought only dental geeks would get it! … har!! why cold water from it? very nice one meh?

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  2. Well, that’s why we buy durian already opened loh 🙂 Hate hacking it open too.


    jO: hahha..omg! ur here:D but yeah…. i was at a pasar malam. and they do it like tesco!
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  3. Hi there. LOL!!! You sure look like you were on some drugs doing all those faces – oops. I mean, high on durians.

    I will never eat durians unless someone open them for me. My sis is the durian slayer at home. Serious. Women can do it too.

    jo: i think the drugs are called ‘exam season’. 😀 hahaha.. too lazy to open ya? usually i’m like that too. but under dire circumstances…….

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  4. Alamak. What the hell. This reminds me of the Amber Chia photos with the watch, and the big lips.

    jo: hahhaa in times of boredom… such things happen. *nonchalant shrug*

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  5. ROFL adding those pictures to my list of classic left-boob photos now! i so needed that after being tortured to death by my notes. 😀

    jo: ahhaha.. wah, next time i must see ur collection.:D i’m gonna go torture myself with notes pulak.:(
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  6. OMG!

    that pic of you imitating a rogue made me spat out my drink!
    my keyboard is all wet now!

    hahaha!

    jo: LOL!… shit… sorry, cannot claim insurance from me!

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  7. oh durian durian! when esther comes back we have a durian eating party ok. we eat durian for breakfast lunch dinner supper and everywhere in between till we stink up the whole of USJ3/ SS18/SS17 (depending whose house we eat in lar) and people cannot tahan to be close to us *beams*.

    eh sorry yar woman i didn’t get r.age yesterday 🙁 mum went to make passport and i was in class for 6 hours terus. *stress*

    i’m on break next week! coming back annot yet?

    p/s: cantik muka engkau…:P only you would do such things, jo. lol. *tabik*

    jo: hahahha.. eh didn’t know the both of you love durians too!! ..we’ve wasted many years of durian eating sessions because of this negligence of fact. lol i cannot eat durian with rice laa..ew! 😀 😀 lol! Rombongan Memakan Durian Di Seluruh Subang Jaya. Dari SS18 ke SS17 ke USJ3! (then go to SS19 to restock. They sell durians at night outside the old Mcdonalds rite?)

    I’m coming back fri afternoon.:( exams next week la sayang. LOL I KNOW!! I’m so pretty, thank u:)
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  9. hahahahaa Jolene left boob Lai is unbelievable. Your pictures always crack me up like madness. Your fault la, I’ve spent 6 hours reading Economics and it all went *poof* at the sight of your pictures cos it’s so mindnumbing. Very sporting I like! 😀

    jo: wahhaha shit wei! my face made you forget your notes? damn…. i induce amnesia..:(
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  10. hahhaah gosh u’re funny.. not many malaysian girls have sense of humor yanno … especailly showing their face with superimpose or any changes to the photos.. girl, u’re original.. haha

    jo: ehhehe thank you:) It’s nice to make others laugh. Though sometimes things can get quite lame, but nevertheless it’s still fun:) I like doing these things.. though some might regard it as degrading..but oh well:)
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  11. Jo, I doubt if anyone were to flame you they’d be so considerate.

    Mmm.. aiyoh.. I’m just recovering from headache & cirit-birit.. how to laugh laa… Lol *ouch*..

    omgoodness.,. DURIAN.. i love love love..

    halo? I think I bugged my dad until he bought two durians for RM30 or was it 60? O.o.. omgoodness.. i’m so sad.. yes yes.. I know.. I’m worse than you okay? hahahahha..

    jo: wahhaha why inconsiderate wor? because my efforts to flame myself have gone to waste? 😀 … haha dun laugh lor! tahan..:P

    oh good! another Durian fan:D that’s damn expensive k….0_0
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  12. your face so funny leh… wat tai yi long… april fool day….mo lay tou…. btw, if i come to KL, will you take me around?

    jo: ehe… most probably i’ll be in Kedah wor.. i dun come home very often! when are u coming down?

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  13. i like how the narrations of Tai Yee Long (loan shark) fits to the pic so aptly. The April fool slide was super. If anyone insults you they must have an anuus of a 4 year old – tight @$$!

    wish you greeeeat success in your papers.

    jo: hahahhaa.. as i type this reply, i think ur still at my blog. :LOL good that u understand cantonese. are u malaysian or singaporean? ur yahoo address has a dot com dot sg at the end! lol..ah, i kena before, so i am now prepared:D lol thank you! Hiigh fiive!~ 

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  14. oi i like durians toOoooOoo!!! why never wait for meee?

    jo: we eat it when you’re back too!! i can eat alot of times. no worries. *adds SS19 to the list too;P*

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  15. damn funny ur facial expressions la,, lol.. and durian… haven been eating them for dunno how many thousand years oledi…

    jo: bwahahaa.. keng leh! u like durian or not firsT?

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  16. the tai yi long series and eunuch one made my dad, man!

    is it weird to like durian smell, not the taste? eep.

    jo: hahah glad to be of service. 😀 lol, er… usually u like the taste too…
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  17. god.. u’re just so funny and original !!

    cheers and good luck 🙂
    PS : I can’t open a damn durian either …

    jo: hahaha thank u thank  u:) durians shud not be made to be the way they are.:(

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  18. wakakakaakakaka
    that was the craziest thing i’ve ever read..
    laughed till the tears rolled out!!
    you’re the man.. woman.. LOLOLOLOL

    jo: LoL! the wakkakaka laughter come out di. hahaha.. good good, at least i made u happy. 😀 yeah man, i am the man! ..or woman.(doubtfully)

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  19. Nowadays my time is very precise and the only blog I visited (other than mine) is yours. Woot! Not trying to kiss your as*, it is just damn true, especially love the blog which got food! I miss Malaysian food, that is why some times eating my pasta in front of your food photos, and imagine eating it.. wah, i sounds like a psycho!!! -_-”

    jo: hahha wah.. i’m flattered. busy times huh? ah well, sometimes imagination is good for the soul:P

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  20. you are pretty 😀
    you are never ugly!
    we all are pretty aite?

     

    jo: aites!;P ur being nice. awww. *gives sweets*

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