The Penang Shopping Trip Where I Learnt The Horrible Truth That I Am Fat(surprise, surprise!)

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Lie Yuen, Brenda, Cze-Yin and I decided to go to Penang on Saturday for some serious shopping.

Being totally useless driving comrades, Cze-Yin and I were asleep all the way while poor Lie Yuen drove all the way into Penang. We got lost and ended up at some armed forces base. We actually drove up to the guard house to ask for directions and were quite worried that they might actually shoot us. lol.

We waited for Brenda to come and meet us outside the armed foces base or whatever you want to call it. 

Cze-Yin actually BROUGHT notes to study. The guards should shoot her. Haha.

Brenda, the Penangite, brought us to eat good food at Pulau Tikus. It was good food all right.

One thing I don’t get about Penang food. How can the entire island be “good food”? I mean you have the same food in KL and the rest of Malaysia. How would you know if a hawker in Penang is really from Penang? A hawker from Subang could easily go up to Penang to set up a stall and tourists would flock to it and say, “Wah! Penang got good food, you know?”. Same recipe what, no?

Cze-Yin and Lie Yuen

I wanted to eat Lam Mee so badly. I could only find Lam Mee in Taipan and since the restaurant closed down, I couldn’t get my weekly fix of Lam Mee.

LAM MEE!!!

Mee Goreng..I think.

Cze-Yin’s char kuay teow.

And then Brenda took us to a very famous Chendol store in Georgetown, I think.

Brenda and Lie Yuen standing in a very old heritage-ish type of street. We love heritage-ish type of streets.

Taking it all the way.

Chendul time!

They actually have a branch in Subang Jaya!

Nice shot of some plant with the chendol eaters in the background.

l-r: Brenda, Lie Yuen and Cze-Yin

After chendol, it was on to some hardcore shopping at Prangin Mall, our main purpose. 

Prangin Mall is abit like Sungai Wang, but not as fun. Abit lala but nevertheless interesting.

However, the clothes are quite interesting. Obviously you’d start touching it, and wonder if they have your size. So I took one out – it was a dark blue tube dress with a ribbon at the chest. So I asked the salesgirl, “Is this free size?”

She said in Hokkien, “You are too big for this, but you can wear it,” she said to me and then motioned to Brenda.

I was like, “Wtf? What did she say to me, Brenda?”

Brenda was like, “Er…she said you’re too big for this..”

I looked at the woman and said, “Oh, so you’re saying, I’m too big for this?”

Then she said, “yar”

And I turned to Lie Yuen and said, “Someone said I’m fat!”

and Lie Yuen shouted, “Who Who! Tell me who! I beat the person for you!”

Then I got abit embarrassed and said, “Shh shh standing behind me,”

But at least she heard it lah.

I took a few other tops and went into the changing room feeling like shit.

then Brenda slipped me the forbidden dress and sure enough it couldn’t get pass my shoulders. Neither could it get past my hips.

I shouted out loud and said, “I CAN’T WEAR THIS COZ I’M TOO FAT!”

So we moved onto the next shop. Still feeling rather low, I gingerly fingered the tops. There was this cute singlet which was bright blue and bright yellow. My favourite quirky colour combo. Used to have it as my braces bracket all the time.

I asked the sales girl if I could try it on, since it is an RM10 top. Usually they don’t allow customers to try on RM10 tops. Then she asked her boss and the boss came up to me and said, “Sorry, you can’t try it..”

I thought, “Oh, ok. Understandable. RM10 top.”

“You can’t fit into it. Your chest is too big,” she said, trying to be as nice as possible.

I accepted it and said, “I see..”

I then reassured her, “it’s ok, I already kena-ed from the other shop,”

And I immediately turned to Brenda and said, “Please give me a knife,” and made a wrist-slitting motion.
See, big chested is a curse. I’m going through a fat phase now, my tummy has been flatter, agreed. I was slimmer three months ago, don’t know why, but I am fatter now. So my boobs look uglier when I am fatter.

And so happened, someone coincidentally washed all her bras on that very same day and had to resort to a really old bra. Hence, this bra is So freaking hard that if you knock on it, you will retract your knuckles in terror because you will be horrified at the hardness of it all.

So, picture this. My breasts do not fill up the bra. There are airspaces between my bra and them boobies. So, if I get punched in the boobs, you’ll hear Pfft pfft sounds and I won’t be in pain. But desperate cases call for desperate measures. Since the bra is so friggin hard, the shirt takes on the shape of the bra when I put the shirt on. Unlike other well functioning bra which depresses when the shirt is pressed onto it. This bra pwns the shirt.

Angered, I walk into a lingerie shop. I saw a comfy looking bra and immediately went into the changing room. Feeling much happier back to my normal size, I went out and told the saleslady, “I am buying this bra but I don’t feel like taking it out,”. She casually plucked the price tag off the bra strap and scanned it, acting as if a customer walks out with a newly bought bra everyday. How the other girls laughed. LoL. I just didn’t want to put that rock of a bra back on because it annoys me and reminds me how disgustingly disturbing feeling stiff material on my chest. Ugh. I’m gonna pull a 1970s feminist thing and burn the bra when I get back. I hate that contraption.

Doesn’t Cze-Yin look nice in a dress? It’s her first time! Hahhaa.

Yes, yes, I know I still look big in this picture, but I’m trying to be really natural about things. Just reduce some fats here and there, the original photos show a huge elephant paying for her polka dot shoes. Fat people get really good at photoshop. But I still have some hope left, the legs are not photoshopped. *heart* Hence, the paddle pop woman.

An obligatory mirror photo.

Yes, tummy is photoshopped too. Boobs were decreased a little. The skirt is cute isn’t it? The shirt’s material is too cheapish for all that RM40 it was worth.

Brenda found the antique telephone rather unique. You know in KL they have shops selling expensive items which sell because of the creative efforts put into it? Think Room Interior Product. Up north, they have the same concept, except they charge it cheaper. Like back in KL, a clever looking bunch of drink stirrers(with hands and feet as handles) are sold for about RM30 back home, which is atrotious. Over here in Penang/SP, the same things can cost you Rm7.90. Perhaps one of the very few things to love about being stuck in the northern part of Malaysia.

Jolene Lai meets Jolene Tsai. *puts on Black gangsta voice* So you da bitch they been comparin’ me to huh? Yo an’ yo sexy voice, thinkin’ yo all cute an’ stuff, I tellin’ yo girl, I’m sick o bein’ sung yo songs to whenever new niggas meet me yo. I been havin’ enough of yo shit. *head swing to the side in a manner of a “full stop, period” and fingers stuck out in contorted nigga fashion*

We found ourselves some Thai icecreams. Just popsicles of fruit cordials.

After shopping for nearly six hours, most of us could not tahan anymore and felt damn tired. We were like crawling around Prangin Mall but had to stop at every other shop because we are well, girls. Above is a picture of me still wanting to shop despite being very very tired.

The aforementioned Thai Ice Cream.

Ah, a very photoshopped photo of me. In actual fact, my fats are a quarter more extended to the front. So yay me. Oh, and arms are fatter too. Why the hell am I even admitting that I photoshop myself when I photoshopped myself in the first place? Sheesh. Well, I was discussing this with Mel over MSN and she said she doesn’t want to lie to herself by photoshopping. I’m telling her it’s a long term investment of sorts. Think of how happy you’ll make the fat 50 year old you. It’s okay to tell white lies as long as it makes another feel happier. I shall stick to that school of thought. Indeedy. So just remember, I’m much fatter in person. Don’t run away when you meet me, okay? Just a warning.

I hate to be constantly depressed when I see fat photos of myself, so I resorted to the dark side – Photoshop. I’m still me people, please continue to love me.

Lie Yuen loves the heritage-y look about the buildings in George Town.

Hehehe, damn nice this photo. Very good composition, Lie Yuen.

There were actual families inside the building watching television. The grandma then came out to look around with a frown on her face. I shouted a few, “We don’t have this in KL!” for good measure. So that people can nod their heads understandingly and go about their own ways.

Outside an Indian family’s house. See the Indian Aunty frowning at the Jakun.

The two spoilsports who didn’t participate in our camwhoring session.

Lie Yuen took this shot. I think it is damn nice.

Erm, I’ve seen compositions like this in Asyraf’s blog. Abit fail lah, but I think it is nice!

Nice? 😀

Dinner was friggin’ good. I know la it’s nothing to shout about. But it’s just damn tasty. Yes we get it in KL too, sei jakun por, but it’s just damn tasty! Mmm!

We ended the night with chocolate fondue at Haagen Daz.

So poor thing, must drink water.

l-r: Brenda, Me, Lie Yuen and Cze-Yin

The orgasmic chocolate fondue. I was too stuffed to fully appreciate it.

Mmm!

Making use of the pretty lightings.

More.

Yet some more.

Sorry la

On the way back to the car, we saw something we’ve never seen in the whole of Malaysia. Never in my life have I ever…….0_0

And honestly, what in the world IS a Getaran Kondom? A vibrating condom? Stimulation for him and her? *puzzled*
Alright, clean thoughts, Jo, clean thoughts. *bangs head on the wall* It’s very difficult to maintain a healthy environment of clean thoughts in my head, as most of my friends can attest to. Muahahahahaha. *reinserts jolene’s trademarked dirty mindedness* So I shan’t bother.

And here are my spoils. Not much, but it certainly felt like I bought a heck lot of things. A hand bag with a strap. yeah, the nice handbag I have at home does not have a strap. Suet, it’s like the one we saw at Mid Valley that day.

And the red and white polka dot shoes up close! Cantik hor?