Editted at 12.49am 15/5/06:
Nobody has the rights to tell me that the quality of my bachelor posts are bad. You come here, and gush about how cuteÂ wheoever isÂ if you have to. But don’t come bitching to me in real life or MSN saying things like how I should intro/scout more desirable/badboy/hunky/rich types for you to oggle.
These are my friends, and this is all in jest. If you like eye candy, then come here and have some. If say, strawberry ginger chicken floss type of candy is not your taste, then shut up before I bitch slap you to the other side of the moon. Irritating betul.
Even though I may joke about things like, “Eh, I have new stock” or “I charge by the hour…”….. but please don’t delude yourself that this is some service that I have been indebted to provide you with lah. Demanding for extravagantly high quality and all. It’s just… FOR….laughs…..
Oh, and I don’t do girls. It’s just not cute for a girl to pimp a girl. To quote Phua Chu Kang:
“Man touch woman is called molest, woman touch man is called syok,”.
And Jolene also wants to add a quote:
“And woman touch woman is called sien.” To me lah. I know got boys like girl on girl action right. Sorry ar, me no cater to that variety of taste.
See the rationale?
And guys? I will pimp you if I’m the one who asks you for your permission. I’ve accepted requests from people close to me because, well they are close to me. *hugs those who are close to me*Â If I don’t know you very well.. it’s just not fun to pimp lah. But from now on, requests are closed. My email address is solely for obtaining more information on my sweet bachelor boys.
I’m sorry if I’ve been playing dangle-the-carrot-in-front-of-the-bunnies for too long, but I need to wait for the enthusiasm to settle in before I attempt another postÂ right? I’ve been scouring high and low for my single guy friends. And some friends even requested to be pimped. Whoever who requests get their mugs up first.
What I’m trying to do is just to put your everyday-boy-next door type out to the market and highlight things about them that I’ve noticed. It’s fun because I know these boys, and I know them well. Though some I’ve only known for awhile, I try my best to highlight that sweet little something that all girls desire in their ideal guy.
However, no pimptress photos this time around. 😛 I left my hat back in Kedah so the effect just won’t be the same without it. Next round there’ll be photos of your lovely pimptress..and business has been VERY GOOD. I’ve even bought myself a shawl to go with the whole Lady Mafia Boss look. Hahaha.
Yee Hou got the ball rolling(just like Calvin in the previous post) so his face will get to go up first.;)
Tan Yee Hou is a 19 year old business student in Monash Malaysia. However, I’ve only known him for less than a month but I’ll try to highlight what I have observed. Eager, sweet and willing, the perfect candidate to
tie up in bed get to know. Hehe. As far as I know, he is not thoseÂ ugh-i’m-not-talking-to-you-plain jane arrogant types. These breed of men is fast disappearing from the face of the Earth.
Can you help him?
For more information on Yee Hou..
Please email me at firstname.lastname@example.org with the subject: Tantalizing Tan Yee Hou
I need more men.
So I scrolled through my MSN list and frantically messaging a handful at a go, “OEI STILL SINGLE KE..?”.. lol. What a way to start off conversations. Tsk, tsk. Some tact.
Victim number 1:
Miss Lai: MATTY ARE U STILL SINGLE…..
Miss Lai: matttttyyyeeeeeeewwww *NUDGE*
Matthew: hie hiee!Â Â lol sorry, your nudges are ineffective, muahahaha being single
is no crime. *pokes*
Miss Lai: Are you still single?! Question! Hahaha Answer me!!
Matthew: Well yea, no want ones.
Miss Lai: LOL Bullshit, if I am single, you’d be in trouble. Listen. Go read my blog.
Miss Lai: I want to pimp you as a sexy bachelor on my blog.
Matthew: What’s that? Pardon my ignorance. Riggght… that’s not gonna work.
*pokes you again* wah you gave them all little nicknames.
Miss Lai: Yeah, you’ll get yours too. M…. mm.. I’ll think of something. Magnificient
Matthew or Magical Matthew.
Matthew: Ceh wah! I like..no wait, not the magical one.
Matthew Ong Yi Khai. 21 years old Mass Communication student in Taylor’s College Petaling Jaya and is currently doing his internship with NTV7. A lad who appreciates the finer things in life, the finer music, the finer wine,…the list goes on. Did I mention that he sings extremely well? He was the voice coach for the cast of Taylor’s College’s Society of Performing Arts’ 2004 Production: Hip Hopera. Some of you may have heard of The ComeBackKings. They played a huge role in putting up Hip Hopera for the masses. Matthew is down to earth, a very very important criteria.
With camwhoring abilities such as these, his photography skills are amazing as well.
Hop over to his blog to see more photos! (His link can be found on my side bar).
I like the fact that he is humble and is always eager to be friendly to you.
Confession on my part: I was the make up artist for Hip Hopera 2004 and Matthew had a part in the play. So I thought he was damn cute and decided to do his make up. At the same time, I took the opportunity to molest his face because I had to “uh, smudge the blusher abit more..” and caressed his cheeks and chin and nose……..didn’t wanna wash hand after that. Wakakakkaa.
And com’n, who can resist a guy with a sense of humour?!
For more information on Matthew..
Please email me at email@example.com with the subject: MAGICAL Matthew. (HAHAHA, I win, matthew. As it is MY blog after all.)
Victim/Sweet BachelorÂ Number 2:
Miss Lai: Korkorbear!!! Are you still single?!!
Dennis: Hey Joeybear..Yea why?
Miss Lai: YAYY..
Dennis: You not in single club also why you yay?
Miss Lai:can I pimp you on my blog? I’ve gotten Josh in on it too. I’m looking
for nice single guy friends.
Miss Lai: HAHAHAH EXACTLY HIS REACTION.
Dennis: Wtf what do you mean pimp? You wanna pimp your KKB?!!
Miss Lai: hahaha haiyo go see my blog la
Dennis: How can you do this to me?
Miss Lai: It’ll put a smile on the other bears’ faces.(We are part of one happy bear family. Long story.)
Dennis: LOL Jo jo jo jo jo…you are really something special. Yeah, it’s a good
laugh. …..BUT I DON’T WANNA BE A GOOD LAUGH!!! Lol..okok la do
whatever you want. You want my pic ar?
Miss Lai: HAHAHA..I want i want.. YAY. I make the girls so so happy. Sexy Dennis.
Dennis Chan Fong Hoong.A 22 year old who is just fresh out from ACCA(professional accounting course.. no matter how many times he explains it to me, it still goes out my other ear). This guy is like the big brother I never had. I used to have SO MUCH respect for him(not that I’ve ever stopped respecting him) that I never dared to do my dirty jokes on him.. hahaha it’s a whole different story now though. Popular, smart, sincere… heck, he was a LIVING legend in my primary school. Being the head prefect of SRSS19 back in 1996, this little puny 9 year old student was already in awe of The Dennis Chan Of SRSS19 Subang Jaya.
Reliable, street smart, the perfect gentleman, the perfect son in law……
There is NOT a single mother/grandmother in my gang of friends that is not madly in love with him. I am serious. Melody’s grandmother is a good example for one.
To add to the effect, I interviewed my own mother.
Me: Mum, what do you think of Dennis?
Mum: Obedient…well mannered..pleasant.
Did you know that he had a modelling stint once? *snigger snigger together-gether with Melody who had an Internship with Seventeen*
Many thanks to Miss Tham Wai PingÂ for the photo!! (She was the only one online at 1.30am who seemed most likely to collect every issue of Seventeen Magazine.:P We love girly magazines!! My copy is back in Kedah..so I had to ask her to help me out.:))
I don’t know about you, but being funny is so so so important in a guy. If you’re not funny, please go die. 🙂 But so far all the guys I’ve pimped are fun and funny. Hence they get pimped, because, they’re worth it. 🙂
For more information on Dennis,
Please email me at firstname.lastname@example.org with the subject: Divine Dennis
Victim/Sexy Bachelor 4:
Miss Lai: Shall I Pimp You?!?!
Guan Lim: Hello.
Miss Lai: Hello? Can I pimp you?
Guan Lim: What’s the matteR? I just pangsai-ed. What pimp? You are selling
Miss Lai: Hahaha ya. Are you one?
Guan Lim: Yea I’m one. What are you gonna write about me? I’ve only met you like
three times. Aren’t you gonna interview me first or something?
Miss Lai: Okayyyeee…what are you studying? What are your qualities? How would
you please a woman?
Guan Lim: hahahha..your new blog idea is so wtf. What else you want to know? I
was born on the 29th of October 1986..
Miss Lai: Haiyo no need so detailed lah. What are your qualities? What are your
promises to a woman?
Guan Lim: My philosophy is like buddhist. Promise nothing therefore deliver
everything. Not like *not good to say other people’s religion*, promise
everything and deliver nothing.
Miss Lai: Hahahahha set.
Guan Lim: If you’re gonna write about me, it has to be goddamn fucking long.
Miss Lai: *rolls eyes*
Guan Lim: If not wasted all my effort of being sold. Ok more questions pls.
Miss Lai: Cis. I invite you dah kira honoured lah! Bising!! Okay, what are you
looking for in a girl?
Guan Lim: My dream girl? Oh well I’m a sad case person. When lighting strikes, I’ll
like that someone for a long long time. The girl who can make me smile.
The girl who can make my heart beat damn fast, is whoÂ I am looking for.
Miss Lai: Okay, great.
Guan Lim: More questions please. my profile not half done also.
Miss Lai: YOU’RE NOT GETTING A WHOLE NOVEL LA!!!
Ng Guan Lim is a 20 years old economic and finance student in Hong Kong University in well, Hong Kong! HONG KONG! Whoever goes to beautiful Hong Kong to study? Some people are just so lucky. Eloquent, articulate and talkative are definitely qualities you would find in Guan Lim. As you can tell from the above conversation script, he is a big ngam cham. hahaha.
If you’re worried about silent moments or awkward gaps in conversation, this fella can fill them up with his various stories.
Like there was once when I bumped into him at my local hair salon, and he sat next to me (while I was getting my hair washed) and entertained me with all his Hong Kong anecdotes. LOL.
Guan Lim is a well mannered, well spoken young fella.
This is his current hairstyle by the way. The whole Shaolin Monk thing must be something hot in Hong Kong now.*pimptress is NOT in touch with Hong Kong fashion*
For more information on Guan Lim,
Please email me at email@example.com with the subject as: Gimme Guan Lim
ALRIGHT folks, sorry for the long wait. I have like another 4-8 more bachelors to pimp. So, I’ll be back. In the mean time I hope to post more personal posts too.:P