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Haih Die La Die La

Posted on July 1, 2007February 8, 2008 by Jolene

Like what my MSN nickname says, “Miss Lai, you now know the meaning of infinity. Please pray even though you realize that it’s something you seldom do…”. The desperation is so great. You can see it in my pimples, you can hear it in my voice, you can see it in the way my back tenses up if I’m not studying.(that’s why I’m getting a backache now from this guilt induced muscle tensing)

Here’s what I mean by infinity:


The numbers at the bottom are for calculating how many topics that I would have to cover a day to be done studying before the exams start.


Lazy to explain, but I have my own system. Like symbols for what I should cover in how many days, what to cover by tonight etc.


The book symbols mean read from textbook. T_T


When I do a blue wave over it means can kau tim a day before the exam.


Haih module 4, module 4. T__T. Normally we take about one month to study for one module right…I only have..few days left. Nevermind, the train is chugging along.


Another blue wave at the bottom. Short short notes, them.

I can hardly concentrate when the sun is still up and there are boys playing basketball just metres away from my house. No, not that I’m oggling them. Pfft. Small kids only, what to see. Just like most of my classmates, I only start studying properly when the sun has gone down. Which also means it’ll be after dinner. Which means that a freaking huge chunk of the day is gone. Which means that I’ll have to study throughout the night. And when I say study, we all know that there’s bound to be procrastination on my part.

MSN is evil, by the way. Very evil. You get into an interesting conversation with someone and you’re screwed for the rest of the night. Or if you get into an upsetting conversation, you’re screwed for a few more days.

Which is why, I really really want to stay away from upsetting people or having people to tell me off for things that I know which are my fault. Or get into petty arguments THIS TIME OF THE YEAR.

So this should mean that I can commit all the sins in the world(the type of ‘sins’ that you would expect from me lah) and get away with it because it’s only days before my finals. I’ve even asked for a postponement from someone to tell me off about something that I’ve done.

I cannot let anything thud in my head and infiltrate into my guilty conscience(damn damn the usage of the word infiltrate means I’ve been doing too much of pathology… bruuwerhgghh buerhghghghehrher..< -- vomiting due to stress.) These few days I've heard a few things, said a few things and I worry that it might affect the people that I've come into contact with. Then I start feeling bad about it. Then I feel so guilty. Then i feel so guilty that I even start building further fictional feuds and feel guilty about THAT too. Then I will flap my arms at the side and tell myself, "You're a strong girl, you're a strong girl, you're a strong girl.. at least tryyyyyy........." and then uncontrollable sobbing would follow suit. Honestly, it's THIS tiime and SPM that I've actually cried more than once during my studying period. Note to my dad: Dad, it's okay. I'm feeling all right. I'm upset about things that are not even real. hahah. But I'm feeling better. Don't call me and scold me please for letting things upset me. Coz then I'll feel even worse and can only do one chapter in one day. While studying for SPM, I'd cry for a good 20 minutes everyday before looking at my books, showering, lie in bed and cry for abit more and then study way into the night. Back then, my bed time was 4am and 5am. I was already pretty amazed with myself. and WHO goes to school during SPM season? We even declared our own study weeks(for some it was study months. hahaha) and we'd skip school because we slept very late the night before. LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL... nowadays, bed time is 9am for me okay if I have the stamina and will power. Then I will wake up at 2.30pm and have a bowl of rice crispies with sugar and milk because I've skipped lunch and dinner will be in about 3 hours, so what's the point right? Do you know how lonely it is to study into the night? It's like you're the only person left in the world and you only have yourself and the books and the saddest part is that you don't even know when is your bed time. And you will yourself to remember facts upon facts and words that can't even be found in a conventional dictionary. As morning comes around, there will be signs of betrayal to tell you that it's getting REALLY late. Like the Azan prayers in the morning, this will then be followed by the pigeon gurgling on my roof top, then you can hear motorbikes, and then pots clanging after their breakfast. The worst worst worst feeling will be when you hear basketballs bouncing in the playground. It means that it's REALLY REALLY REALLY late. Then you climb into bed at 9am, and you stare at the ceiling. Very hard to fall asleep. Then this afternoon I actually woke up early(read: 12.30pm) and went for lunch with Lie Yuen. But I couldn't even eat the fried chicken and egg and rice and only gingerly lifted each piece of vegetable into my mouth because my stomach was twisting and cramping. It's not period pain since it's already the 5th day or something. Could only means a trip to the toilet right? Yeap, I thought so. It's the type of stomachache I get when I go into the exam room. Usually it's shit lah. But we rushed back home(so kind of Lie Yuen to ta pau for me because I could hardly walk.) Even the kuay teow thng aunty rubbed me on the shoulder and asked me not to sleep(I was closing my eyes due to the pain)... but I merely rolled my eyes. I know I'm damn bad, but I can never understand her as she speaks Hokkien and is too.. wordy at times. Haih, I feel bad towards her. (now the guilt builds up, you see the pattern?) Anyway, back home, in the toilet. There I sat, praying that I don't vomit(I always feel like I would puke anytime soon whenever my stomach hurts really bad.) and hoped that it was just a really big one that needs to come out. But nothing. Instead the pain started from my left abdomen and the cramp squeezes to the right. And then the whole tummy just aches and aches and aches. Sharp pains too, mind you. Hahaha sekali I see a baby plop into the toilet bowl I'll be like, "WTF?!?".... stupidness aside, sweat was collecting at the centre of my face(my head was in between my knees, looking at the floor la, not the toiletbowl la, ew, I'm not a contortionist okay, haha) and it was dripping onto the floor. Forming a puddle. It happens every time I'm in great stomachache. Well, it was productive but the ache was still there. It's not totally relieved but after an hour or two of sleeping, it's better lah and here I am blogging. I just wish for this entire thing to be over soon. My exam starts this Friday and the theory papers end on the 17th. Then it's one week before the Practical exam, and it'll be another five days for the results to be announced. And THEN only I get to come home. So it's one month more of Kedah for me. Anyway, here are some products of procrastination:
In one of my better moods.


A stark reminder to myself to:
1) Get a fringe the moment I get back. I’m so brave to show my forehead to the world.
2) Get eyebrows threaded the moment I step foot on Subang soil.


I look *almost* child-like here. The other day, some fruit aunty asked me if I was going for tuition when she saw me carrying a file. So I was rather pleased because nobody ever mistakes me for a school going kid! Heck, what I usually get is working(used to that already), SOMEONE’S MOTHER(niamaaaaa) .. but luckily nobody called me POpo yet. I kena-ed aunty before though. From my brother’s friend. grrrr.

Wait, maybe she meant that I was a tuition teacher? 🙁 🙁


oh, and I have alot of split ends and kinks in my hair. Not. happy.


This is the ancient chinese warrior proud to serve the King and country look.Wong Seong Man Sui Man Man Sui!~ Or maybe I look more like an ah-ma here with my hair like that? At one angle I did look like a rough ancient chinese warrior.. a male one that is. Not Mulan ok.


This is the semangat Heng Tai warrior face. (Heng tai = brothers.. usually used for very very good friends.. bloodshed and all that dramamamamama). “We will fight together,”.


This is the reluctant prostitute face! If you still cannot get the image out of your head that I’m a MAN ancient chinese warrior, well, then this face can be the ancient chinese warrior pretending to be a chinese prostitute to woo the enemy.


Really wishing this whole ordeal to be over and done with.


Trying to make my hair look like bunny ears.. can only happen with hair spray. However, NOT WORTH THE EFFORT LA JOLENE LAI STUDY LA STUDY STUDY STUDYYy!Y!YY!Y!Y!!Y


Ninja who just heard a lame joke. -__- < -- that kind of face ya.
I look like I was four years old again. (yes, my face already like that when I was four. Ada problem?) I had a bad bob(thanks mum) and I had that perpetual frown when I didn’t understand or get my way.


Legolas.


This huge pimple is completely my fault.


Which is because my fingers kept dragging me to the computer and my chin was used as a balancing point. Haih.

15 thoughts on “Haih Die La Die La”

  1. earl-ku says:
    July 1, 2007 at 5:40 pm

    yes you are rite, you are dead …

    hahaha

    and the laptop put on the bed ike that ar … will be a fire hazard uuknow ar … cannot wan uuknow … will get too hot wan u know …

    jo: hahah thanks for the peptalk hor!

    wah sei kena lecture. yes kukujiao.. now on the floor di. 😀 .. wait. what am i talking about. (i was actually looking at the floor, looking for my laptop when I’m typing this message on the laptop which is on my table.) HAHAHA.. wtfff..

    You go enjoy the life that I’m not enjoying okay.

    –

  2. simon says:
    July 1, 2007 at 7:16 pm

    ah… i get headache just looking at the list of topics!!! some more wanna to study ah…

    jo: hahah.. that’s my problem. :( 
    –

  3. dylan says:
    July 1, 2007 at 7:45 pm

    Hey, good luck for your exams!
    You will do gr8!

    jo: ahh..the faith u have in me… *pats dylan and looks at him pitifully*
    –

  4. nien says:
    July 1, 2007 at 8:38 pm

    hey jolene..
    i think u did quite ok la..
    cos i see a lot of ticks la..
    everyone go thru the same stress like u..
    if not others,i m one lo..
    u still better la..
    my stress kill me when i imagine i sitting wif kumaran listening to prof smales all over again..
    then hav to say hi to all of u which ald become my seniors..
    tell u..really can make me cry a..
    anyways..still wish everyone including me can go thru tis..
    jia you for u n me..!!

    jo: AHHAA wah sei woman! ur first time commenting in my blog okay! hold it there, i take camera.:P

    Yalah..miss you and your ‘household’. never see you guys for dunno how many days already. hahaha.. how’s the rest coping? got talk to them or not? These few days never see you all for lunch coz Lie Yuen still got leftover food from her grandma’s house..and I’m eating her ba chang for lunch tmr. So maybe you’ll only see brenda for lunch ler.

    Don’t be sad la.. i’m bearing the sadness of the entire class so everyone can be happy.hahaha..damn wai tai rite.

    OHMIGOD, i know, that’s the worst. But imagine, having to sacrifice the hols for a resit paper? that’s also saddening enough..

    repeating year 2.. worst nightmare. ;( then next year’s worst nightmare will be to repeat year3. hahaha.. i think the shittiest would be having to repeat year 5. So it’s not that bad. YET. And tak pasal pasal drag kumaran in..hahaha poor thing;P

    –

  5. synical says:
    July 1, 2007 at 8:51 pm

    O_o Conservative dentistry? What the fish is that?

    jo: lol! it’s the religious part of dentistry..like how it’s not good to do oral sex coz of the bacteria and viruses….. etc.. nahhh..ahhahaha.. Conservative dentistry as in the science of removing as little tooth substance as possible. so it’s more on preservation, restoration… whatever that the dentist does to deal with your cavities and stuff, and your chipped tooth and stuff? that’s conservative dentistry. 
    –

  6. Karen says:
    July 2, 2007 at 9:03 am

    Understand the stress before the exams, i have gone thru that and dont have to suffer anymore, hehe.. 🙂 Hang in there and good luck on ur exams ya!

    jo: lol.. how nice it is to be out and working already… T_T
    –

  7. eve says:
    July 2, 2007 at 9:07 am

    wah u have a study list like that….las time i just go through the whole textbook / whole stack of notes, then after reading few pages keep flipping to the back to see how much i have left to study….ahhaha
    anwyayz…GAMBATEH jolene! you can do it!

    jo: haha i have to…or not I won’t be able to know what I’ve covered and not covered..or how much more do i have.:( .. >LOL i do that too..i will count the amount of pages for the topic before i start studying. 😛
    –

  8. lisenielle says:
    July 2, 2007 at 9:09 am

    Good luck for your exams! I know the feeling of “oh shit! I have so much to study!” more times than I’d like to. We never learn, huh?

    Anyway…relax! Being tense doesn’t help…

    jo: hahaha yes, we never learn. like for the shorter exams, i always tell myself, “see, you studied four of these for your finals. now you only need to face one. how can it be more difficult than anything else?” but yet i still drag it out till the last minute..:D:D
    –

  9. sweat says:
    July 2, 2007 at 11:43 am

    why you everytime also got exams one! like every 2-3 days wtf

    jo: haha.. nolahh. it’s every 2-3 months. 🙁 so sad.

    –

  10. MY says:
    July 3, 2007 at 12:06 am

    Ka yau, Jolene !

    jo: thank you:D
    –

  11. pohyee says:
    July 3, 2007 at 3:36 am

    miss lai…we’ll pass lar! dun worry 🙂
    nien said ‘ my stress kill me when i imagine i sitting wif kumaran listening to prof smales all over again’ hhahaa….
    it really motivates me to study when i think of kumaran…lol..
    anyway, study hard n wish u best of luck la…
    still have 3 more weeks then we have to say bye bye to year 2 ady…

    jo: i hope so..:(

    lol damn bad la u too! tak pasal pasal go drag him in. ehehhee..:)

    you study hard too:D together-gether sleep at 8 am !!
    –

  12. linsey says:
    July 3, 2007 at 4:36 am

    “This is the reluctant prostitute face!”
    PWNED!!!!!!!!!

    anyways, good luck babes =) hugs!

    jo: CISIN PUNYA WOMAN!!!! what were u up at 5am for? u have no reason now that ur no longer having exams!
    –

  13. s0hp0h says:
    July 3, 2007 at 9:25 pm

    *huge pat on jolene’s back* cheer up la, will past soon!!!!! then hallelujah, holidays is here!!

    and good luck ler, lotssss of it!!!!! u’ll be fine!!!

    This post totally make my day, laugh uncontrollably for a full 5 minutes when I read ur ‘aunty’ part..

    jo: ahhahaha..then can enjoy like you rite?:D thank you thank youuu!!

    …lolololol.. yesyes.. i’m so happy my misfortune is of great entertainment value. hahaha T_T
    –

  14. DJCK says:
    July 6, 2007 at 2:39 am

    jia you girlfriend! the ‘doctor’ title doesn’t come easily! study hard and you’ll be rewarded!

    love

  15. Pingback: Not So Little Girl In A Reverie » My Trademark Mess Courtesy Of The Impending Final Exams

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