Something That We All Want Anyway

As the meme proposal played in the background at Tim and Aud’s wedding, my high school buddy Marcus turned to Chee Kiang and said, “This Tim ar, spoil market for all of us man! After this, girls want a better and bigger proposal and must have video lah, must be viral lah, must have pictures lah! I think I need to have like a video camera strapped to my forehead to record every moment already to top that!” Though amusingly frustrated, he said it in such a good natured way that it just sums up the playful prodding that goes on between couples in long term relationships. In their mid to late twenties I might add. Ahem. Don’t lie. You and I, we are one of those couples.

The gorgeous deco at Tim and Aud’s wedding. πŸ™‚

Observing the way Marcus lovingly, indirectly teased his girlfriend Stacy with the above statement, it resonates in so many of us long term couples who are constantly being mindfucked by all these awesome proposals and facebook announcements complete with blings. We can’t help but wonder for ourselves the lure of this last stage of the game before we settle down to become a proper family.

To a certain extend it is peer pressure, but mostly it is a reminder that your time is coming, for both the girl and the guy. You know it’s coming but you continue the pretense of not expecting and not thinking. Though I am guilty of shaking his shoulders screeching, “WHEEeeennnn my TurnnnnnnnnN!!!!” whenever a new facebook engagement announcement pops up. *shy*

Traditionally, there are certain things that girls will expect their guys to do for them. A proposal that comes with a ring. A grand declaration of love. πŸ™‚ So many girls out there like to claim that they are not like the next girl but deep down we all are. We might break a little at the thought of the amount spent on a piece of jewelry but we bite our lips and close our eyes and just be thankful that there is actually someone in this world who thinks you are worthy of a diamond ring.

A close friend was so practical that she even went ring shopping for her own engagement ring! She gave the ring back to her boyfriend and told him to surprise her when he felt like the time was right. “And when he did… was magical.” she gushed. The two of them are proof that you can make it special even if you know it is coming.

I’ve always had this impression that if you talk about it, think about it, nag about it or even lust after it, a marriage proposal might come off as being fake, a little too staged in fact. It’s probably one of the most awkward times in your life…even more so when you have been with this person for SO long! It is inevitable. But to think about when that moment would come, why should it even come? Don’t you already know the answer? Why do you even have to ask?! Get up! Get up!! Shy only!!

Often times the girls are made to look like we desperately want to get hitched and the guys running for their lives at the mere whiff of marriage plans. I initially got stuck writing this blog post. I was out of it for so long that I just didn’t know if what I wrote would ever make sense like how it once did. I told Chee Kiang to go to bed first because I *think* I might want to write something.

“Blog?!?” his eyes wide opened. I haven’t touched my blog for over six months.

“NO. It can be anything. A facebook note.. an article for a website somewhere … something.. YOU GO TO SLEEP LA. Don’t kepo.” I paiseh-ed, shy because I always told him that I’m so done with writing here. But sometimes when the inspiration to sit down and tap away at the keyboard hits you, I find myself back here. πŸ™‚

He said he woke up this morning, turned on his iPad and found nothing on my blog. “You said you wanted to write one! About what leh! Tell!”

I didn’t want to tell him because it sounded silly but I slowly let him in on it and surprisingly he had his two cents too. He acknowledges that guys are bombarded by peer pressure and have a one step back approach when it comes to proposals, weddings and the whole shebang. Girls are always already knee deep in wedding preparation before the guy has even proposed. (You should see my pinterest boards. .____________. Not proud of it, but the wedding ideas are so pretty!!)

He believes that a proposal can be genuine and special even though the couple has been together for a very long time and are living together. I mean, that was my question to him, like wouldn’t it be weird for couples like us? You are practically family and on some days, squabbling like brother and sister because of the close proximity. It does seem like an entire show and dance that you know you don’t really need to act out and that it should just be about the two of you. But with a dash of guilt thrown in, you know that you want it to be the most unique one that will be the game changer. The next benchmark!

A super sweet proposal that would make anyone tear is every girl’s dream. We love creativity and effort. It’s the same concept as the one we wanted you to apply when it was your turn to surprise us with sweet homemade valentine’s day gifts when we first started dating. Make it something unique, something us.

And lastly, don’t forget to get it down on video. πŸ˜‰

Do You Realize Our Generation Is Tying The Knot Earlier?

For the past one year, my facebook feeds have been heading in a different, previously unchartered direction.

Every morning I wake up to shocking (but delightful) news that who and who just got engaged, accompanied by a few hundred likes and an entire page of comments. Months later the pre wedding shoots would follow, resulting in another torrent of likes and comments. Somehow the prewedding photographs make it that little bit more official.

I realized that a lot of those who are getting engaged/married are about around the 1989-1985 age group. Somehow the 1984 are only starting to get married now, them being about 27 seems just about right. A friend echoed my sentiments recently and he, being born in 1984, noticed the trend too.
He also said that those who were born before 1984, seemed to get married at a more conventional age of 27-30.

Only a few years back, when wedding bells were heard, we would nudge each other knowingly, looking forward to a baby to play with soon. And most of the time, we were right. πŸ˜‰

But now, almost everyone in a relationship for more than two years are tying the knot!

It’s just funny how come those born on or after 1985 are choosing to get married earlier than those who were born before 1985. Another friend mentioned that it could be because those born after 1985 somehow wants to have it all at a young age. Impatient and impulsive. Do you think so?

I know a lot us in this age group need to get married for a variety of reasons. There is the dreaded government posting which a lot of people in the medical and education field have to work around, to secure a preferred state by getting hitched. Sometimes, this method doesn’t even work. Then I hear there are the more religious ones who are getting married because they want to stay together. *shifty eyes*

And then there are those like me, who have been in a really really long relationship. I know of many other couples like that, couples who have grown up with us, as a couple. Also not getting married anytime soon. We have plans, yes. But nothing official. Mainly because we have things to sort out like savings, an idea of where we really really want to be and how are we going to afford a nice wedding. How do people do it? Maybe most of those who are in long term relationships from high school/college are stuck in the mindset that we are still ‘young’. Thus continuously believing that it’s not the right time, we are not done with what what we need as individuals etc etc.

But high school sweethearts aside (most of those that I know who have been together as long as us, are still dating too. Nothing announced.), a lot of the people who are about our age are getting engaged and some have even had their weddings.

I don’t know.. it’s just a little mind boggling for me. Trying quite hard not to be influenced by peer pressure (I can admit it okay! I’m Jolene Lai. Not shy!) and constantly reminding ourselves that when we’re ready, we’re ready because we are. Not because everyone else is. πŸ™‚ Honestly, every single posting that I go to, the nurses there will ask me when am I getting married (once they found out that I’m living in sin). I openly tell people at work that I’m here in JB with my boyfriend and that we’re living together. For some, it’s a foreign concept, a sacrilege! But like being gay, society has to start accepting somehow that there are people doing things differently from their norm.

I know this way of life is pushing it but there were times when I wondered what if I ever get knocked up before tying the knot. Firstly dad will kill me. LOL. But that aside, we all know the direction we are heading to. We are everything but short of a document to be man and wife. Mum once said that if something like that was to happen, then we should fast fast plan for the wedding. I had the craziest idea though – I thought that it would be a good case study for society to observe how it is perfectly okay for an unmarried woman to go around being pregnant and take her own sweet time to plan the wedding and even fit in a slimming program to be svelte before the big day. It would also be so awesome to have the kid around.

Sure, relatives will probably be shocked and flock around to gossip about me. But if more people can do this, why not? It will slowly become normal. Like how shot gun marriages are so normal now. Nothing shocking about it.

Actually, at our age, shot gun marriage is also sort of a blessing because then you’ll have a date to work around instead of not knowing when you want to get hitched.

I know a lot of parents still shake their heads at the idea of their daughter getting knocked up before marriage.

In my opinion, there are only three bad knocked-up scenarios:

1) The kid is still schooling. High school, college or university. All bad. I think I can give some leeway to final year students at uni. Heh.
2) The husband to be is a wifebeater/womanizer/an unambitious sloth living on his future wife’s money
3) The father of the child is not your boyfriend
4) The father of the child doesn’t want to be your boyfriend anymore lol

So for people who are in long term, stable relationships, it is OKAY. I don’t know. Anybody want to pick a bone with me?

Sigh, think I digressed too far. Well. #justsaying.

Anyway, congratulations to all my friends who are getting married this year and next year! πŸ˜€

Thinking of Johor For The Long Run

Read Sixthseal’s blogpost about Johor’s Iskandar, just one of the many things i have been reading about the development within the state and it prompted me to spill about my plans. I haven’t spilled here in a long time, I know. πŸ™‚

Blogging is SUCH a chore, you know?!

But it’s good to be back to share sometimes.

So for those who have wondered where I have disappeared off to, I’m currently in my second year of my compulsory service with the government. When my FYDOship ended, I was supposed to report for duty at Batu Pahat!! After many tearful phone calls to the headquarters and a very fortunate switch with a colleague in JB, I’m still in JB, living with Chee Kiang who is still working in Singapore. πŸ™‚

We’ve been doing this for over 7 months now and living together has been amazing. We cook almost every week night, sometimes I dump him here and drive home to Subang Shah Alam myself. Yeah, my family has moved away from Subang too. It still hurts when I think about my childhood house in SS18.  Going into Singapore whenever friends want to meet up, exploring JB together, watching downloaded movies together on our landlord’s flatscreen and sleeping in the living room every single night because the entire apartment is literally our bedroom.

Oh! I’ve started baking and cooking more too!

Butter cookies fresh from the oven! I wanted to decorate it with royal icing but the icing i made was way too sweet and runny, so I gave up. I’ll need to head out to buy lemons and meringue powder to try again. Don’t think I’ll use raw egg whites again as it is not hygienic. And I have no idea where I can get pasteurized egg whites.

Spinach pan mee with the necessary yums

Tried roasting a chicken. Tasted okay, couldn’t get it to be a dark crispy brown. 😐

Herbal chicken, not too bad!

And my favourite and my best dish (ahem), chicken+broccoli+carrots+french beans dimsum style. <3

I think I drifted off again.

Yes, so throughout university I knew that I had to, needed to, MUST end up in Johor in order to put an end to the nonsense that was a long distance relationship. I was sent to Kluang first when I first entered the workforce and after making it through 6 months, I am finally in JB. When my first year training ended, I managed to secure myself to be permanently based in JB.

It’s all going to plan, isn’t it?

But deep down in my heart, I wanted.. or thought that it was to be this way: That the both of us complete our respective three years with the government and move back home to finally start our lives somewhere permanent.

But it’s not fair to uproot him from Singapore when he has put in so much effort building up his career here. Not only that, if I go back, I will have to start networking all over again. It’s okay if we start off immediately after the end of our compulsory service because we are still relatively young then and can slug it out. But I’m afraid that won’t be the case and we’ll probably have more…well, changes in our lives if we wait it out a few years and head back in our very late 20s or early 30s.

I do want to open my clinic one day and I want to open it somewhere where I will grow old.

I am confused about plans to work in Johor, KL or Singapore.

The reason why I want to go home is so that my children can grow up around their grandparents and I can be there for my family. It’s just horrible to have to grow up and old without your parents around. But most people don’t have a choice because of their careers and I am afraid that we might just be one of those people.

For an AIMST graduate, it might be a little tricky because the degree is not listed in the list that the Singapore Dental Council has come up with. Most of the Malaysian public dental schools aren’t even on the list too. We have to sit for an exam which, IF you can qualify for it with the suitable requirements, has a waiting list of 2 years. I hear that it’s the final paper for the Year 5 NUS students. I will of course try for it if I have the chance to. I would need to study really really really hard for it and cross all possible fingers and toes.

Singapore would be nice. But I really need some guidance if Johor is just as good, if not better. Or even better than KL for that matter, which I hear is pretty saturated now.

It gives me hope that there is so much development going on in the city and there is a buzz of excitement about the endless possibilities. Healthcare facilities, residential areas, educational institutions (though I’ll probably still send my kids to a government school to let them see the real Malaysia and save the money for their overseas education) etc.

The whole Johor-Singapore thing works very well for us now. I know a big chunk of Johor roads now, made a horde of new friends from work and more contacts from helping out with the southern zone’s dental association….

I just hope that it is the right choice to be based here.

Should I Delete My Blog?

I’m no longer that self depreciating blogger girl from years back with stupid photos of myself and I have grown into everything my dad warned me about. I have grown into a relatively laid back person who goes with the flow and have lost the oomph that I had before. I just have more priorities in life now other than trying to gain a bigger following of readers, such was my childish tendencies those years ago.

I cried when I had to let go of an interview in The Star back in 2005, like it was the most important thing to do in my blogging career. ( that article did propel four bloggers who went on to enjoy phenomenal success with their blogs) but I really don’t feel anything about it now.

I was envious of peers who had higher readership and tried hard to get there but would fail and feel hurt when opportunities would come for them and not for me.

I was a lot of stupid things.

I really don’t care about all that now. I don’t even get advertorials anymore and continue to turn down the odd clueless company pr people who just don’t do their research on obviously retired bloggers. How can a blogger give you any publicity if she only posts once or twice a month?

Now all I think about is if I should further my studies, charting my career path, if I should open my own clinic, if so, how many can I have, where will the money come from, how do I manage my finance, what establishments can I join in the future, expanding the sticker monster, if I should buy an oven so I can finally cook in all possible ways and maybe pick up baking…so many things!

All I am saying is that there was a period of time where I let it all out because i thought that’s who i am and i enjoyed doing it and now I’m over it. In a way I have become less in tune with my blogger self so when shit happens I get more upset easily than I used to be.

While my father’s worries for me were of people trying to defame me by digging up dirt from my blog when I run for prime minister or something, my concerns are for the asshole public’s lack of tack and humanity to take things from my blog and dissect it in forums where anonymous bastards only has physical opinions to give about anything female being posted there.

My friend and junior from uni, Tee Luun, alerted me on facebook about a post in lowyat. While slightly hurtful, it was just a replica of what happened in the past.

Last time, there was a post on lowyat about the blogger girls used in an advertorial for maxis broadband. A few of us were invited on a girls’ day out and were loan a netbook each. So naturally we had to blog about it and there were photographs of us on our respective blogs, newspapers and magazines. No prizes for guessing who stuck out like a sore thumb among our crop of petite and slender popular girl bloggers. So yeah, flamed on the forums for being big sized and ugly, I was hurt. Before I opened the link to that forum, I was already expecting that i would get such treatment.

Then it became the past.

Sometime before I graduated, my post on creating double eyelids (which I have privatized ever since) was taken and the people on that forum were horrified by the ugliness of it all, cursing while they were at it. That post has been freaked-out-about on some foreign blogs and forums, usually about how Asian girls can’t deal with the fact that they have slitty eyes..but the treatment it received from that particular local forum (can’t remember the address..kopitiam something) pretty much took the cake. The comments were so mean and humiliating. I felt embarrassed because I was about to come out into the working world and I felt like I had no dignity when put in that kind of light so I asked the moderator to remove the post, explaining my situation and he was kind enough to do it. I privatized that particular post because I didn’t like the attention it received.

That too became the past.

It’s not easy to continue feeling neutral about myself when time and time again random douchebags keep reminding me about it. I know I am not ugly to the point where people recoil in horror when they see me out in the streets but perhaps compared to the usual hot chics they prefer to see fleeting across their computer screens, they are left with a bad taste in their mouth when someone like me, not a porn star, nor a typical doe eyed sexy beauty, suddenly appearing on their LCD screens, surely it’s a stark contrast! So…this always always happens. So sien.

What happened today was mild, just a post referring to my height and if I am tall (because I claim to be, standing at 169cm) but of course you got the trolls who will always always always always relate everything to my face. The photos they used were recent too, photos from Kluang and I’m not going to be one of those who privatize my whole blog.


It’s either I keep going or I just delete it.

If I keep going, who knows what else will be misconstrued, twisted into something unflattering on the forums?

If I delete it, I lose years of memories, years of interactions and a record of every single bit of emotion I have felt in my late teens to early adulthood.

But sometimes it is easier to just press delete and not have to worry about trolls anymore. Is it worth it to be brave about it?

Can anybody explain to me why trolls do what they do?

What do they derive from it?

Is there some satisfaction from humiliating people and all? I mean yea you might cringe when you see someone making a fool of themselves on YouTube, but why comment at all with hurtful words? (no I don’t have embarrassing YouTube videos, I’m just saying.)

Can my future employers understand that I’m just someone normal who enjoys a good laugh without showing her panties to the world or popping out a boob or doing drugs (complete with photos) or even murdering animals or defaming the name of my current workplace(with photos too!) who just so happen to be unfortunate enough to be the subject of a few trolls along the way who have no qualms about making a fool of me with what I was born with (or what I ate over the years)?

I just want to keep this space on the net without worrying too much and feeling so much, please?