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Do You Realize Our Generation Is Tying The Knot Earlier?

Posted on December 7, 2011December 12, 2011 by Jolene

For the past one year, my facebook feeds have been heading in a different, previously unchartered direction.

Every morning I wake up to shocking (but delightful) news that who and who just got engaged, accompanied by a few hundred likes and an entire page of comments. Months later the pre wedding shoots would follow, resulting in another torrent of likes and comments. Somehow the prewedding photographs make it that little bit more official.

I realized that a lot of those who are getting engaged/married are about around the 1989-1985 age group. Somehow the 1984 are only starting to get married now, them being about 27 seems just about right. A friend echoed my sentiments recently and he, being born in 1984, noticed the trend too.
He also said that those who were born before 1984, seemed to get married at a more conventional age of 27-30.

Only a few years back, when wedding bells were heard, we would nudge each other knowingly, looking forward to a baby to play with soon. And most of the time, we were right. 😉

But now, almost everyone in a relationship for more than two years are tying the knot!

It’s just funny how come those born on or after 1985 are choosing to get married earlier than those who were born before 1985. Another friend mentioned that it could be because those born after 1985 somehow wants to have it all at a young age. Impatient and impulsive. Do you think so?

I know a lot us in this age group need to get married for a variety of reasons. There is the dreaded government posting which a lot of people in the medical and education field have to work around, to secure a preferred state by getting hitched. Sometimes, this method doesn’t even work. Then I hear there are the more religious ones who are getting married because they want to stay together. *shifty eyes*

And then there are those like me, who have been in a really really long relationship. I know of many other couples like that, couples who have grown up with us, as a couple. Also not getting married anytime soon. We have plans, yes. But nothing official. Mainly because we have things to sort out like savings, an idea of where we really really want to be and how are we going to afford a nice wedding. How do people do it? Maybe most of those who are in long term relationships from high school/college are stuck in the mindset that we are still ‘young’. Thus continuously believing that it’s not the right time, we are not done with what what we need as individuals etc etc.

But high school sweethearts aside (most of those that I know who have been together as long as us, are still dating too. Nothing announced.), a lot of the people who are about our age are getting engaged and some have even had their weddings.

I don’t know.. it’s just a little mind boggling for me. Trying quite hard not to be influenced by peer pressure (I can admit it okay! I’m Jolene Lai. Not shy!) and constantly reminding ourselves that when we’re ready, we’re ready because we are. Not because everyone else is. 🙂 Honestly, every single posting that I go to, the nurses there will ask me when am I getting married (once they found out that I’m living in sin). I openly tell people at work that I’m here in JB with my boyfriend and that we’re living together. For some, it’s a foreign concept, a sacrilege! But like being gay, society has to start accepting somehow that there are people doing things differently from their norm.

I know this way of life is pushing it but there were times when I wondered what if I ever get knocked up before tying the knot. Firstly dad will kill me. LOL. But that aside, we all know the direction we are heading to. We are everything but short of a document to be man and wife. Mum once said that if something like that was to happen, then we should fast fast plan for the wedding. I had the craziest idea though – I thought that it would be a good case study for society to observe how it is perfectly okay for an unmarried woman to go around being pregnant and take her own sweet time to plan the wedding and even fit in a slimming program to be svelte before the big day. It would also be so awesome to have the kid around.

Sure, relatives will probably be shocked and flock around to gossip about me. But if more people can do this, why not? It will slowly become normal. Like how shot gun marriages are so normal now. Nothing shocking about it.

Actually, at our age, shot gun marriage is also sort of a blessing because then you’ll have a date to work around instead of not knowing when you want to get hitched.

I know a lot of parents still shake their heads at the idea of their daughter getting knocked up before marriage.

In my opinion, there are only three bad knocked-up scenarios:

1) The kid is still schooling. High school, college or university. All bad. I think I can give some leeway to final year students at uni. Heh.
2) The husband to be is a wifebeater/womanizer/an unambitious sloth living on his future wife’s money
3) The father of the child is not your boyfriend
4) The father of the child doesn’t want to be your boyfriend anymore lol

So for people who are in long term, stable relationships, it is OKAY. I don’t know. Anybody want to pick a bone with me?

Sigh, think I digressed too far. Well. #justsaying.

Anyway, congratulations to all my friends who are getting married this year and next year! 😀

8 thoughts on “Do You Realize Our Generation Is Tying The Knot Earlier?”

  1. Xiao says:
    December 12, 2011 at 3:45 am

    All for it! Marriage is a sociological institution. The ceremony doesn’t change how you feel toward each other, and as far as I’m concerned I don’t see why I need the state (or society) to validate my relationship with another individual in order for it to be “okay.”

    jo: Maybe working on the ceremony might make you want to kill each other more lol. Coz as it is we nag our bfs, then when in the midst of organizing something for sure gonna be biting someheads off. 😛 Yeah…that’s true. Not so much the government yeah (unless we’re talking about postings within the civil service) but like in The Eyes Of The Relatives..

    –

  2. Dentist friend says:
    December 12, 2011 at 4:30 am

    Everyone wants to get married soon because they want a dragon baby. Supposed to be good luck for the family. 🙂 i guess after dragon year, there are less people who wanna get married cos obviously you dont want a baby snake to haunt you for the rest of your life. Unless its a shotgun. No choice. 🙂 just my two cents. 🙂

    jo: oh yeahhh..totally forgot about the dragon baby thing! AHHAHA damn, my brother is a snake. still haunting us. XD

    –

  3. Sue Me says:
    December 12, 2011 at 7:16 am

    I guess it’s fine to be married as long as once one and her/his partner are mentally and financially stable. After all, marriage is a lifetime thing with many responsibility and commitments. It’s not just about getting all trendy and somewhat auspicious year to be married. Yea, I have a few friends who got married when they were 22. Reasons being that their husbands are much older and yes, they want to have a little one.

    I guess the younger ones wanted to get marry early because 1) they are knocked out by the boyfriends. 2) they think it’s cool to get marry early to have little ones before they turn old or 35. 3) peer pressure. Oh well.. live life to the fullest.. if it’s time to get marry, one should be ready to do it 🙂

    jo: I agree babe..:) 🙂 to be mentally ready is important. like some might mourn the loss of a possible freedom..

    –

  4. Glo-w says:
    December 12, 2011 at 9:52 am

    to me it’s up to the couple^^ Ben and I were the earlier ones I think but there will always be much earlier or later ones. As long as they are ready. but the younger ones seem to think that marriage is the happy ending but truth is, it never ends there will always be challenges. I have some friends who never want to marry, have kids nor have a partner and it’s up to them. As long as they do no harm and are willing to babysit my kids once in a while I’m fine with it^^

    oh n the oldies are always asking

    when are you getting a gf/bf? and when you do
    when are you getting married? and when you do
    when are you having a kid? and when you do
    when are you having a 2nd kid?

    Sometimes I feel like asking them back, when are you going to die? but of course that is too rude of me ^^

    It’s okay to ask, but interrogation is a no no.

    jo: lol you just summed up all the typical interogations eh. gotta remind myself not to interrogate you when i next see u, but i probably will.:P

    –

  5. synical says:
    December 12, 2011 at 7:28 pm

    I’m sure that’s true, but I’m not complaining about me not getting invited (save me the angpau $$) to these weddings. It’s cheaper to find out on Facebook than to attend in person 😛

    Jo: omg you’re telling me. T_____T painful wei all these angpows. But sometimes you don’t feel right saying no…

    –

  6. Glo-w says:
    December 13, 2011 at 2:25 pm

    Lols you get 3 strikes ^^ but trust me, any news you’ll see it on FB or twitter or my blog or you tube or all of them!

  7. Rachel Lee says:
    December 13, 2011 at 4:01 pm

    Well, i’m born in 1989 and i don feel like getting married before 27 years old.. either my mind set is like you guys from 1984, or just a coincidence most of your friends from 1985 onwards started working earlier i guess? =)

  8. BlissfullyHappy says:
    January 28, 2012 at 6:21 pm

    Hi Jolene, awesome post! 🙂 I’m actually in a similar position like you now also btw…staying with my long-time bf in Subang. We’ve been co-habitating together for about 3 years already and like you, my parents have absolutely no clue. Memang pushing it, lol. Cause just like you said, our society is totally not ready to hear of unmarried couples like us to be staying together…my parents will kill me too! Hahaha. 😛 Still, the joys of living with your dearest and becoming so darn familiar with each other’s habits and quirks…like e.g. how nice it is to go grocery shopping with your bf? Hehe. 🙂
    Ahh…just hoping for the day our society’s mindset can change to be more open-minded and accepting. People must stop being so judgmental! And realize that a marriage cert is just a piece of paper and that a wedding is just a ceremony…what’s important is the life that you’ve gone through with that other person and the love that you’ve built together, right? *hugs* Wish you the best in your relationship with your bf Jolene…stay happy always dear! 😀

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