My Aunty Fell And Passed Away

Posted on by Jolene

I’m beginning to get very scared of this world.

I lost my Aunty Sok Ping today at approximately 2.10pm. At about 10.30am, she propped a ladder onto a table in the backyard to do some stuffs to the windows on the 1st floor. The ladder slipped from the table and she fell together with the table. She was unconscious the moment her head hit the floor. I don’t know how long the ambulance took to come or if they even had an ambulance for her in the first place. She was sent to Pantai Hospital in Malacca.

My mother called me while I was watching 10,000 B.C. in the cinema. She told me that my aunty had a bad fall. It was at about 1pm that time. She then went on to say that it is serious. Immediately I knew that it is not good and started bawling and ran out of the cinema with Lie Yuen. While sobbing and sitting on the steps, I continued talking with my mother on the phone and she advised me to get the earliest bus ticket to Malacca.

I bought my bus ticket and I’ll be leaving Sg. Petani at 11am tomorrow. Will be missing many days of classes.

I went home still breaking down every now and then and kept mumbling to Lie Yuen and Cze-Yin about how 2008 IS a horrible year. Lie Yuen said that I shouldn’t think of it that way because maybe my aunty is an exception?

Another death was reported in the news when I went back home. Zakaria died. I’d have more to say on the matter but even in this state of sadness, my eyebrows are raised.

At about 3 something, my father called me on my landline. He then broke it to me, “Jo..Yee Ma passed away.”

You know, those words were like precious porcelain being dropped from a table top. You see it dropping but you have absolutely no power to catch it.

I bawled hysterically into the phone as Lie Yuen and Cze-Yin barged into my room and comforted me.

My Yee Ma was like a second mother to me. As she is divorced, she has been living with my grandparents ever since she was in her mid twenties. She is in her mid-fifties now. I think she is about 54 or 55. She was a school teacher at SMK Notre Dame and was about to retire this year.

She was an extremely colourful lady with tons of plans for her retirement. Bordering on eccentric, she was one of my most favourite aunties for her young-at-heart ways and a very simple lady who had a lot to say. Heck, a week before chinese new year, she made me teach her how to put on false eyelashes.

As she was really looking forward to her retirement, she was also on a learning binge. During chinese new year, she made sure she learned alot of photoshop skills from my graphic designer cousin Hong Fei, she made my father teach her to access folders on her computer, she asked me and my brother to teach her how to play the Nintendo games on my grandmother’s Nintend DS lite.

I asked her, “Why learn so many things Yee Ma?” From what I saw, it was a case of a Jack Of All Trades, But A Master of None.

She replied, “Hey, all the sifus are here ma. I must learn alot alot before all of you go. Need to grab the oportunity while you all are here!”

We joked about how she was so gung-ho about learning things that she’ll probably have no use for but that was my aunty, this simple enthusiastic lady who takes interest in any and everything.

As I mentioned, she divorced at a young age and her two kids grew up in Ipoh while she lived with my grandparents in Malacca. Every holiday of mine was spent in Malacca playing with my cousins. Yee Ma would be the one making barbie doll dresses for us on her sewing machine(I had a beautiful collection of dresses for my dolls… no money can ever buy those dresses. My aunt used her scrap materials and random sequins. It was probably the happiest afternoon of my kiddy life.). She would also make her beautiful sago pudding and her agar-agar that we would devour when we were kids.

I vow to pass down her simple recipe of Maggi Mee with oyster sauce and tomato sauce to my friends and my children. Perhaps the best bed time snack I was allowed to have after brushing my teeth.

You know how chinese hate to waste food right? She is also quite a thrifty woman but flour must’ve been cheap as she used to buy bags of it and mixed it with water to make dough for us to play with. We would scream with delight whenever a batch is ready and go out to the pavement and make dough-mans. She tried to teach us to paint the dough figurines but we had more fun building more things than patiently painting each and every dough figurine.

On windy afternoons, she would send us into a flurry of excitement by saying, “Let’s go to the beach!!” and we would pack in her car and head to Klebang beach. Even if it was probably the dirtiest beach I’ve seen in my life, it was fun because it was the only beach I knew back then. I enjoyed playing with sand and collecting seashells and letting the water reach only up to my knees(for it was quite dirty. So nothing higher.).

My brother is right. A part of our childhood died with her.

My Yee Ma is perhaps the most creative person I’ve ever known. She enjoys going OTT with decorations and almost anything that she can ‘pimp’. At my grandfather’s funeral, I think she actually enjoyed the process of making the lotus flowers with tealights floating on her pond, the flower deco around my grandfather’s photo and anything else that she can beautify. You should see her house during chinese new year. She painstakingly paints the chinese calligraphy words and paste them all around the house, hangs angpows from the ceilings etc.

I remember being asked in my Communications class back in year 2 by my lecturer, “Who is the one person whom inspires you the most?” I proudly told the class that it was my aunty because even though she battled cancer, her optimism for life was so strong. It made us healthy individuals look invalid. I really admire her enthusiasm for every single thing and that lovable tidak apa attitude that I will miss so so much.

Yes, she battled breast cancer too back in 2002. Going around proudly announcing the cost of her surgery – RM12- and how it’s great to have wigs as she can change her hairstyle as she likes. Isn’t my Yee Ma the greatest human ever? The perfect example of a lemonade maker when she is thrown lemons at.

Don’t blame me for this – but I sometimes fear for my family members and would imagine possible demise for them. It’s not because I’m evil it’s because I’m very very worried each and every second for every one of them. As for my aunty, I have always been worried that her cancer might come back. Instead, her end was just a slip off the ladder, which was propped on a chair. If my grandmother was standing there, she would’ve scolded my aunty to not be so silly.

My grandma nags at my 50+ year old aunty and she’d usually nudge me and say, “It doesn’t stop! Even when you’re as old as me, your mother will still nag at you!” She was the coolest aunty ever.

Do you know that I actually pass down clothes to her?! She’s slimmer than me, even more so after she went for her Marie France Bodyline treatment. She’d call me fat every time I put on weight and make me give her whatever that looks too small on me. Sometimes I’m even wearing that particular piece of garment and she’d say how I’m practically bursting out of it so just hand it over already! ๐Ÿ™‚ My dear funny aunty. Sigh.

Her love for all the things in the world also contributed to her talents in a whole range of things.

She used to have a dance troop that performed chinese opera songs around Malacca. She was also very much into cooking. She made costumes for her dancers and she even made ballet shoes to sell – the result of her passion for sewing. For awhile, she was also very good at wielding iron. I remember wondering what in the world she wanted to be good in iron wielding for. She’s also a damn good masseuse. She joined singing classes and dance classes in her later years.

We used to tease her that if she owns a shop, it would have a super long signboard to accommodate her many talents.
If any of you remember that beautiful house in Malacca, she made half the things with her own hands. She laid down the parquet flooring, she utilized her iron wielding skills and made the railings and stuff, she built the frames for the windows.. and still the house cost her about half a million. That four storey bungalow that my Yee Ma has always been extremely proud of. I’m extremely proud of her.

She had an extremely loud fashion sense. Also a stem from her tidak apa attitude, she has the most extravagant clothings a person can ever own. Also a damn large amount of jewelry. As in costume jewelry, mind you. She, being the slightly strange woman that she was, kept her REAL jewelry in a plastic bag. She just dumped it all to my mother and said, “Nah, I have no use for these.” Real diamonds, real gold, real white-gold. She preferred her costume jewelry over the genuine stuff.

Part of her carefree attitude was due to her strong religious values. She was a devout buddhist and I found truth in this nugget of an information from her, “What I learned from Buddhism was to be free of attachments. That’s why I am so happy, Jo. When a person die, he brings nothing with him. And that’s the way I chose to live. That’s why I’m happy today,” she said with a smile.

She will be deeply missed. Malacca will never ever be the same without her. I’ll probably be returning to Malacca less should my grandmother decide to stay with us.


That’s my aunty in green with two halves of my parents. Taken when we went to Singapore for the family company trip back in April 2006. Isn’t she beautiful? I’ve always thought that she looks like Lisa Wang. I’ve told her that countless of times. Mainly because I loved seeing her face light up going, “REALLY?!! THANK YOU JOJO!” and then smother me with kisses.

That’s my aunt. She’s never short of affections for my family. Always grabbing us and kissing us whenever she sees us.

She calls me “My Little Princess!” much to my chagrin. But you can’t imagine how many times I’m playing those words in my head now.

I miss her so so much.

Rest in peace, Yee Ma. You shouldn’t have climbed that ladder.

I promise myself that her death will be the one death that will strengthen me for the many deaths that I will know of in my life time. There is only so many pieces I can break into. I need to find a way to deal with death. Maybe it’s time to turn to religion.

53 thoughts on “My Aunty Fell And Passed Away”

  4. I absorbed every word you use to describe her. Such a fun woman, lived a full life. Rest in peace, Jojo’s Yee Ma.

    jo: she lived a full life indeed. that’s our only consolation. thanks Lilian. ๐Ÿ™
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  5. Yea, from the way you decribed her i can see that she’s such a wonderful person and had lived her life to the fullest. My condolences to you and your family.

    jo: hey Jason…thanks… yeah…..we’re glad she did.
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  7. I am so sorry to hear that. My deepest condolences to you and your family. Take care Jolene.

    jo: thank you Shoo Koon…
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  8. omg i’m so sorry babe i’m crying so much from reading the entire post T_________T sosososososo sad T______T life is so fragile T___________T

    jo: ๐Ÿ™ i do really miss her.ร‚ย 
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  14. I teared reading your post. I’m so so sorry for your loss. May your yee ma rest in peace.

    jo: thank you, Sarah.. thanks.
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  17. Omg, so sad. A very nice entry about your aunty, maybe should be an eulogy. Your aunty has had a great life and she’ll be remembered, the RM12 treatment did it for me. Extending my condolences and greatest regards to you and your family. Aunty Sok Ping, rest in peace. I’m sure you’ll be very happy in heaven especially when your niece is so strong~

    jo: such a simple and generous woman rite? ๐Ÿ™ .. sigh. yeah, i’m sure she’s very happy wherever she is. It’s not a cliche thing to say…but i know she genuinely is. She’s just like that.ร‚ย 
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  19. your post described her in the best way possible. i’m sure she’ll live in your heart ๐Ÿ™‚ *big hug to jo* my condolences to you and your family.

    jo: i know she is. thank you Elaine. ๐Ÿ™‚
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  20. Jolene, every single word used to describe her seemed so vivid to one’s imagination. I beleieve she must’ve been a great lady. iron wielding!!!?? wow.. and she sounds very VERY young at heart, which is very enviable cos the old soul in me is eating my youth up. justthinking about studies, work, studies, work, money, job, future and such it’s all stress and she was so carefree. There are no words that can describe how sorry I feel for you and your family but I hope you do take care and stay strong. I fear these things happening to my family members too so you have to be strong for all of them back home kay. My condolences ๐Ÿ™ *warm hug*

    jo: ๐Ÿ™‚ that’s my aunt. Funny funny fun loving lady. Yeah, like just last year she went to take studio shots of herself. Damn funny one, if you think my camwhoring is bad……she’s my sifu okay? Haha. ๐Ÿ™‚ Yeah, she gave all of us a very good lesson and that is to live every moment with nary a care in the world. Impossible but she managed.

    Thanks Wai Fon. I’ll be fine. Thanks. ๐Ÿ˜
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  23. my deepest condolences to you and your family..
    jolene, be strong. i was in your position when my grandpa passed away..

    jo: it must’ve been difficult for you as well. i will, thanks.
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  24. Hi there, you probably don’t remember me but I was one of the many people who emailed you regarding your posts of NS days. I read your blog but like many, have only been a silent reader all these while.

    I am so sorry to hear that. My condolences to you and your family.

    I am from Malacca and studied in Notre Dame Convent. That was around 6 years ago. When I started reading this entry I can’t help but to think, do I know her Yee Ma? What if she is somebody I know? I so wanted to scroll down to see if you put on any pictures of her but I kept reading anyway. I must say you describe her very nicely.

    Your Yee Ma happened to be my Art teacher back then. She only taught us for a year but we really enjoyed her class. She was so artistic and full of creative ideas on how to make an art class more interesting. If I haven’t remembered wrongly, she was the one who taught us how to make chinese lanterns (from bending wires to pasting red cloth to decorating the lantern) during CNY. She was also in charge of choreographing dances for all types of school performances. She’s always a jolly happy soul when we see her at school hardly ever get mad over anything and wearing like you said, the most extravagant clothing one can ever imagine, yet she looks real good in them.

    Although I haven’t seen her for years I still remember her as one of the nicest teachers I had in 2ndary school.

    Rest in peace Ms Ho.

    jo: wow…. you’re a student. I’ve emailed you.
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  27. This is probably going to be one of the many wishes of condolence that you receive. It was dreadful enough to read the first line of your blog post, what more for you? I think that your post itself describes how wonderful a woman your ‘yee ma’ was. I think your yee ma will definitely be happy wherever she is for she was and is so loved ๐Ÿ™‚

    Death is never an easy issue to deal with. I personally have not lost anyone as close to me as your ‘yee ma’ was to you. I think that well, maybe religion does help. Believing that your aunt’s soul is in a better place. Pray whatever way you know how to for your aunt. ๐Ÿ™‚ Hey, you’re doing something right, celebrating your aunt’s life in this post. So, well, maybe you are stepping in the right direction to dealing with death already.

    God bless your yee ma’s soul. My condolences to you…

    jo: ๐Ÿ™‚ Thanks Christine. Yes…. I’m sure she is..

    Her death has taught me a lot about death. The easiest way to deal with it is to let go. Just be happy that she lived.
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  29. My deepest condolences to you and your family. I wish there was more that I could say to make you feel better… *hugs*

    jo: thank you kelly. This is good enough.. ๐Ÿ™‚
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  30. This is a wonderful poem for you and your family, your aunt sounds like a great woman. I hope it makes you feel just a little better.

    Do not stand at my grave and weep
    I am not there. I do not sleep.
    I am a thousand winds that blow.
    I am the diamond glints on snow.
    I am the sunlight on ripened grain.
    I am the gentle autumn rain.
    When you awaken in the morning’s hush
    I am the swift uplifting rush
    Of quiet birds in circled flight.
    I am the soft stars that shine at night.
    Do not stand at my grave and cry;
    I am not there. I did not die.

    Mary E. Frye

    jo: thanks Xiao.. i love that poem. It was in Desperate Housewives as well rite..? love it.
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  33. dun be so sad, jolene. condolences to you and your family… my aunt oso passed away when i was 17 yrs old and I was unable to see her for the last time cos’ I got my papers that day…

    jo: sorry to hear that..
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  36. condolences to you and your family, jolene. sometimes a loss is so unexpected, it leaves you speechless. but you did your aunt justice with this post. well said. take care eh ๐Ÿ™‚

    jo: thank you, Jen. I can only hope so.
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  38. Hey Jo, so sorry to know of your loss. Your aunt is such an inspiration, always living life to the fullest, being optimistic and not letting the little things bring her down. She sounds like someone i would hope to become in the future! Here’s a little something for you. take care babe, *hugs*

    รขโ‚ฌล“You can shed tears that she is gone, or you can smile because she has lived.
    You can close your eyes and pray that she’ll come back, or you can open your eyes and see all she’s left.
    Your heart can be empty because you can’t see her, or you can be full of the love you shared.
    You can turn your back on tomorrow and live yesterday, or you can be happy for tomorrow because of yesterday.
    You can remember her only that she is gone, or you can cherish her memory and let it live on.
    You can cry and close your mind, be empty and turn your back.
    Or you can do what she’d want: smile, open your eyes, love and go on.รขโ‚ฌย
    รขโ‚ฌโ€œ David Harkins (British poet and painter)

    jo: hey manda dear….sorry for the late reply. =) she really IS someone i want to be in the future. it’s just too bad she won’t be around to see me do that..i like that poem very much. it makes alot of sense. thanks Manda..*hugs*
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  40. Hey love, one of my cousins who is very very dear to me passed away last year, it was very sudden, a heart failure, and one minute she was in the hospital, and they next thing I knew, she was gone forever, so I know how you feel. ๐Ÿ™

    She will be in a better place… Take care k. ๐Ÿ™‚

    jo: that must’ve been very hard for you as well. ๐Ÿ™ ๐Ÿ™ especially when people go at a young age, it’s so difficult to stomach…:( ๐Ÿ™

    Thank you for the kind words, Hui Wen. You take care too.
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  41. hey there jolene my deepest condolences to you and your family …

    i can relate to your situation pretty well as i too lost my beloved grandma who had a fall and passed on 3 days later in the ICU just last november…your story and situation is so similiar to what i have gone through in 2007

    my gma too was like a second mother to me..even tho i can never hear her laughter or hold her hand ever again but i know she is not gone forever because she still lives in me..and i am sure it is the same for you…

    it will take time to heal the heart for sure. so hang in there. just remember she has become that little star in the sky who is always watching you from above….take care jolene!

    jo: i’m very very sorry..i bet your heart dropped as well, like how mine did when you heard about her fall. ๐Ÿ™ I know… my aunty is still around us. But there’s also this taoist/buddhist belief to let go or else the spirit will not be able to go away and reincarnate.

    Since it only happened in November,. I’m sure you miss your grandmother very very much..
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  42. hey so sorry to hear bout your aunt. may she rest in peace and make sure you take care as well

    jo: thank you E-Guy….I will….:\
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  43. joey dear, *hugss* im sure your aunt is watching over you from heaven, wishing the best for you as she always had. she will happy to know how you treasure and appreciate all the moments you shared. a fulfilling life without regrets she lived, which is what we should all strive for too. always here for you babe. love, bby

    jo: hey abby.. yes i know she is.:) i would want her to know that too. ๐Ÿ™‚ thank you bby.. you take very good care of yourself too k… life is so short.
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  44. i’m very sorry to hear about your loss… my condolences to your family and you. you did a wonderful post on her… hug*

    jo: thanks Joyce..*hugs*…thank you..
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  45. i’m so sorry…=( my condolences to u and your family…take care yea?
    *hug*

    jo: thanks Ada…*hugs*… you take care too..
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  46. Ya! She was the coolest aunty ever. Totally agree to that!
    and the Lisa wong part, I always relate her to that, as she is as strong as her (or even better, as Lisa don build her own house!)

    hongfei

    jo: hi Hong fei korkor.. we don’t have a home in Malacca anymore. ๐Ÿ™ I miss her so much.

    yeah….absolutely. She is as pretty as Lisa Wang…but she is stronger than her!
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  47. wat is wrong with u all ppl~
    dis is darn furnny n u all are condolencing her?
    does a normal human who loves her yee ma soooooo much has got d mood to write dis shit long of post to only make her yee ma sounds stupid to die by climbing stairs?~dam fake lo~if seriously breakdown whre got strength to go n switch on pc to blog!sumore so rational post!heartless~worry a bit less bout d blog wun die la!

    u guys amazed me~she go write silly stuffs n u guys respond to stupid stuffs lidis so seriously~
    espeacially does who say sad la cry la wat la~pls lorr~a lot of woman oso lidis~stupid isit?not her yeema alone such fun n outgoing lo~thou its pain ful losing a family member~

    dun mistake me 4 nt respecting d deceased,i am not sayin her yeema~its not abt her yee ma~deepest condolences to her yee ma oso~espeacially for havin a niece lik her~

  48. wow im amazed that there are people who are so ignorant about peoples feelings..excuse me leng zhai i am so amzed by your words!…many of us have our ways of expressing our feelings for the people we love…and i feel that what you have said in your comment is just so ___…*oh my gosh * i can`t even find a word negative enough to sarcasticly bombared you! your just pathetic! i wondered if those words you came out with has ever been through any thinking process in your brian!

    what ever is it ..you are no one to comment on how she wants to commerate her aunt and or how she wants channel her feelings…*full stop*

    jo: thanks girl..:) he just doesn’t understand the rights of another individual. stupid lala chais who are super underexposed to the emotional needs of others are like that one. don’t bother about him. They will eventually become scums of the earth..so there’s an appropriate ending for everyone:) Karma u know?

    thanks again..:)
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  49. i think that Lengzhai, himself is not a normal human being, as he finds something like this funny??? may be one day when u lost ur love one u will understanding writing or even drawing is also one way of expressing one feeling. May that day will come FAST.

    jo: some people are just not as sensitive as others. don’t bother about him. let him be ignored and make him look like a fool.
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  50. d both of u are even funnier~!im surprised dere r ppl lik u actually~i’ve already said that its not lik i don’t respect o watsoever~

    ok,mayb she’s dis oh-so-faithful blogger den~she jus NEED to climb to her lappie n write a longgggg winded post lidat~i’ve already said,its not her yee ma~its HER!!!

    and i tot dat my comment will be removed as soon as its up o moderated~but it seems she didn’t moderate it~so it shows that she’s ready to accept comments~dis is a blog~if i am no one to comment on how she want to commemorate~(i dun even tink we use commemorate 4 the deceased)her yee ma~den u r no one also~

    and to hongfei~u nid not to curse me cz it IS because i recently lost sum1 dat i know how it shud feel~n wat i shud do~and it is definetely not blogggin abt it~

    jolene~pls notice dat im nt here to cause u anymore depression(dats lik if u reli felt any)~i actually liked ur blog~IM JUST IMPRESSED U LOVED UR BLOG A LOT!

    u ppl can all say watever super bad stuffs bout me,am not goinna post anymore comments to defend myself after dis~tq very much^^
    <br><br>

    jo: First of all.. please do not leave comments in my blog using this kind of friendster-lala-mui-blog-entry kind of language.

    Secondly, you do not seem to understand the pain that my family and I are going through and I loathe the way you cruelly laughed at what you felt was so ‘funny’.

    I left your comment here so everyone can see what an idiot you are for writing this. You are easily the single most horrible person in the world for being able to say such things when one is in mourning.

    You do not know me.. this is how I react to big devastating news. I loved my yee ma very much and my relatives agreed(HONG FEI IS MY COUSIN BROTHER btw!) that it is a very beautiful tribute. You need to use your brain a bit more. Clearly not functioning very well. Also make sure you utilize the language centre part of your brain, it is very very rusty.

    Also, do you KNOW what a blog is? A blog is a journal to document my thoughts. I chose to make it public and I will never stop doing so. And in my journal I write things that happened in my life. It’s not your life, SO SHUT THE FUCK UP!

    But I think you’re just looking for attention here by trying to make me angry, well you succeeded for awhile, but not after I put the full stop to this sentence..which is approximately 2 seconds from now. Full stop.
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