I’m no longer that self depreciating blogger girl from years back with stupid photos of myself and I have grown into everything my dad warned me about. I have grown into a relatively laid back person who goes with the flow and have lost the oomph that I had before. I just have more priorities in life now other than trying to gain a bigger following of readers, such was my childish tendencies those years ago.
I cried when I had to let go of an interview in The Star back in 2005, like it was the most important thing to do in my blogging career. ( that article did propel four bloggers who went on to enjoy phenomenal success with their blogs) but I really don’t feel anything about it now.
I was envious of peers who had higher readership and tried hard to get there but would fail and feel hurt when opportunities would come for them and not for me.
I was a lot of stupid things.
I really don’t care about all that now. I don’t even get advertorials anymore and continue to turn down the odd clueless company pr people who just don’t do their research on obviously retired bloggers. How can a blogger give you any publicity if she only posts once or twice a month?
Now all I think about is if I should further my studies, charting my career path, if I should open my own clinic, if so, how many can I have, where will the money come from, how do I manage my finance, what establishments can I join in the future, expanding the sticker monster, if I should buy an oven so I can finally cook in all possible ways and maybe pick up baking…so many things!
All I am saying is that there was a period of time where I let it all out because i thought that’s who i am and i enjoyed doing it and now I’m over it. In a way I have become less in tune with my blogger self so when shit happens I get more upset easily than I used to be.
While my father’s worries for me were of people trying to defame me by digging up dirt from my blog when I run for prime minister or something, my concerns are for the asshole public’s lack of tack and humanity to take things from my blog and dissect it in forums where anonymous bastards only has physical opinions to give about anything female being posted there.
My friend and junior from uni, Tee Luun, alerted me on facebook about a post in lowyat. While slightly hurtful, it was just a replica of what happened in the past.
Last time, there was a post on lowyat about the blogger girls used in an advertorial for maxis broadband. A few of us were invited on a girls’ day out and were loan a netbook each. So naturally we had to blog about it and there were photographs of us on our respective blogs, newspapers and magazines. No prizes for guessing who stuck out like a sore thumb among our crop of petite and slender popular girl bloggers. So yeah, flamed on the forums for being big sized and ugly, I was hurt. Before I opened the link to that forum, I was already expecting that i would get such treatment.
Then it became the past.
Sometime before I graduated, my post on creating double eyelids (which I have privatized ever since) was taken and the people on that forum were horrified by the ugliness of it all, cursing while they were at it. That post has been freaked-out-about on some foreign blogs and forums, usually about how Asian girls can’t deal with the fact that they have slitty eyes..but the treatment it received from that particular local forum (can’t remember the address..kopitiam something) pretty much took the cake. The comments were so mean and humiliating. I felt embarrassed because I was about to come out into the working world and I felt like I had no dignity when put in that kind of light so I asked the moderator to remove the post, explaining my situation and he was kind enough to do it. I privatized that particular post because I didn’t like the attention it received.
That too became the past.
It’s not easy to continue feeling neutral about myself when time and time again random douchebags keep reminding me about it. I know I am not ugly to the point where people recoil in horror when they see me out in the streets but perhaps compared to the usual hot chics they prefer to see fleeting across their computer screens, they are left with a bad taste in their mouth when someone like me, not a porn star, nor a typical doe eyed sexy beauty, suddenly appearing on their LCD screens, surely it’s a stark contrast! So…this always always happens. So sien.
What happened today was mild, just a post referring to my height and if I am tall (because I claim to be, standing at 169cm) but of course you got the trolls who will always always always always relate everything to my face. The photos they used were recent too, photos from Kluang and I’m not going to be one of those who privatize my whole blog.
Link: http://forum.lowyat.net/topic/1935892
It’s either I keep going or I just delete it.
If I keep going, who knows what else will be misconstrued, twisted into something unflattering on the forums?
If I delete it, I lose years of memories, years of interactions and a record of every single bit of emotion I have felt in my late teens to early adulthood.
But sometimes it is easier to just press delete and not have to worry about trolls anymore. Is it worth it to be brave about it?
Can anybody explain to me why trolls do what they do?
What do they derive from it?
Is there some satisfaction from humiliating people and all? I mean yea you might cringe when you see someone making a fool of themselves on YouTube, but why comment at all with hurtful words? (no I don’t have embarrassing YouTube videos, I’m just saying.)
Can my future employers understand that I’m just someone normal who enjoys a good laugh without showing her panties to the world or popping out a boob or doing drugs (complete with photos) or even murdering animals or defaming the name of my current workplace(with photos too!) who just so happen to be unfortunate enough to be the subject of a few trolls along the way who have no qualms about making a fool of me with what I was born with (or what I ate over the years)?
I just want to keep this space on the net without worrying too much and feeling so much, please?
Just be yourself and ignore. As painful as it is, these people has too much free time on hand hence such forum. Keep the blog; it’s a way for us to express ourselves. Who are these people to tell us about our lives or not? We don’t tell them what to do and all.. these people should just fuck off and get a life.
You are living a life that is happy and they are jealous of you. As unrealistic as I might sound, ignorance is bliss. And I love reading your blog! Don’t let these fucktards jeopardize and affect how you should be as a blogger 🙂
Jo: I’m not sure if they are jealous of me…but I agree..:) I am keeping the blog as a means to express myself during those rare moments that I want to. 🙂
noooooooooooo don’t delete! this is your blog, don’t let something like disgusting men using terms like “fap fap fap” get to you. i’ve never been a fan of lowyat and i never will be. i get it if you want to stop blogging because you’re in a different phase now (so am i), but don’t delete your blog because of them!
Jo: suet!! 🙂 🙂 are you in a different phase now too? And…. I don’t think I get comments like fap fap fap… I get more FFFF UUUUU.. But anyway, thanks babes.:) hope you are happy too in whichever phase you are in now!
Having been there and done that (I once deleted 6 blogs in 1 year), sometimes, I wished I didn’t. Because as much as you leave that part of your past behind, sometimes, there is a beauty and a charm in having it to look back upon when you ever stumble across an old blog post. If the memories are that painful and still cut, then let go with no regrets. But if it is something that you can look upon now with the understanding that you have grown up and matured since then and it no longer affects you, I see no reason why you shouldn’t keep it.
But as a blogger, I say keep “blogging.” There’s only so many things that 140 characters on Twitter can say. =)
Jo: I think I can one day enjoy coming back to this stage of my life… At the same time continuing a record of random bits of my life then. 🙂 thank you… Twitter just doesn’t cut it for me. :p
i seldom comment here but dont delete it just because of those hurtful forum posts please! 🙁
trollers are the one who are living the sad lives. sitting in front of the computers with junk foods empty packets all over the table and scouring the internet to bully people.
they think they are so powerful with their keyboard (keyboard warrior mar). trust me most of them are just living a sad sad life and pathetic IRL and will always be #foreveralone.jpq
Jo: hahaha babes..thank you for the amusing description. I think that’s what they are too. 🙂 but I’d very much like to get away from their attention whenever I can.
hai there im from lowyat forum, pls dont delete ur blog wokay? =)
Jo: 🙂 thanks!
You’re the only dentist blogger I read, so pleaseeee don’t delete your blog. Especially not over comments made by people with really lame and epic fail nicknames who can’t use correct english. Oh, and at 169cm, you are tall. I’m so jealous of your height.
Jo: thanks ching…:) but it’s better to be slightly shorter than 169cm…for me at least. :p
If you wish to become a public figure/politician/corperate leader or even a vocal speaker in NGO, please remove your blog or at least stop blogging, especially on those personal/private life article.
copy all your article into a different blog name or wat sort ever, in order to removed ppl track or digging ur past.
if you dun wanna venture in the above career, then u can continue on this blog.
Jo: don’t think I am interested in politics…:p I don’t know…I had always hoped that people can differentiate my past, when I was a kid, and the present.
They are so shallow! total assholes! You shouldnt even care about them. =) I hate lowyat, all the people there are so ah-lians and ah bengs. Keep your blog, you’re the a only few blogs i followed 🙂
honest to goodness, i’d say “f `em.” haters will forever hate and without naysayers, we’ll never be motivated or pushed along to do more and be more. although, i can understand how you’re hurt by nastiness, i don’t think you should validate their meanness (stemming from obvious jealousy) and be hurt. in fact, the only way you know you’re ahead is knowing/hearing people talk behind you.
my opinion is: do what you want. if you want to keep your space up, then keep it up but if you’re uncomfortable about having your personal photos and posts hanging in limbo (if you say you rarely post anymore) then lock the entire blog and it’ll only be for your personal viewing only. anytime you choose to re-live some memory or look back on what you were doing five years from today, you can. that’s the beauty of it.
many a time i have found myself in the same place as you. outgrowing my old self and shedding personas. basically, i’d just back-up my entire blog, delete the old space and start anew.
at any rate, i’m somewhat bummed i haven’t came across your blog before today. you write so well, it is somewhat of a rarity. (: (: (: regardless of whether or not you decide to keep this blog alive or pull the plug on it, i do hope you won’t ever stop writing.
Keep blogging and do not delete jayelleenelial.com 😀
hey there,
do not delete your blog just because of immature twits out there who have too much time in their hands. I like your blog because you express yourself(just like how blogging should be, instead of wannabes out there who post pictures of themselves up photoshopped) and you seemt o be comfortable in your skin and not try pretending being someone else.
We all go through phases in life, and true our priorities change, but, nevertheless, this blog of yours is a memoir of your growing up, irregardless of whether it was sweeter bitter. I do hope you treasure this, and true to your style, enjoy the ride, the one that we call life!!
Seriously I enjoyed reading your blogs. They are very useful and informative for future dentists. Don’t be bothered by those nasty comments.
You have a personality! That is what is most attractive. Just ignore all those shallow minds. I have followed your blog for many many years and have time again recommended my younger cousins to read this – as an inspiration that you are what life should be >> work hard, play hard, be comfortable in your own skin and have the guts to be what you want to be. Am sure you have the utmost respect from people who actually matter! Keep writing when you feel like it – it is nice (and nosy of me) to know you are keeping well 😉
Don’t delete! I really enjoy reading your blog! You should update more often =)
LOVE the way you write. Love you and your blog – so real & down to earth 🙂 Can’t wait for you to blog more about your baking/cooking, living with CK, about your take on marriage, kids, dentistry, everything. You manage to put a hilarious twist to life and that’s why you’re awesome.
Don’t stop and don’t worry about them all. We love you!
i’m so sorry you have to go through this. for what it’s worth, i frequent the forum often to buy clothes through sprees and there’s really an abundance of immature idiots on it. i hope you feel better and won’t delete your blog 🙂
Oh no, where will I get my occasional doses of laughter and heartwarming stories then??? You have a wonderful gift of storytelling, Jo. If you wanna archive your old posts, it’s okay. Just that your blog has kick-started so many wonderful things (and you know this very well, so don’t be modest), and you should be proud of it! You have a personality and it shines through so much, so don’t bother with those idiots.
Hello! 🙂
No don’t delete your blog. I still occasionally come here, and this is how I stumbled upon this post!
Don’t mind those trolls in the forums, they do what they do best, TROLL, when they are not that perfect in real life anyway. Just do what you do best, and there are people out there that still supports you! 🙂
You shouldn’t delete your blog! Is your past, history, memories, who you are. This trolls/ a**holes are just some useless wankers hiding behind the monitor spreading the negativity. If they were so good and happening, they won’t spend so much time and energy picking/ commenting on someone who they don’t even know or care about!
Moreover these trolls/ a**holes would just be jumping with glee and thinking that they have so much influence/ power.
if they don’t like reading your blog, they have a choice by clicking the “x”, but seem like they enjoy reading your entries to extend they pay attention to all the lil details 😉
Anyway, life is short, why do we care about all this fu*king minions words? 😉 take xia xue as a good example
hello , can u email me loylynlyn@gmail.com i would like to have a private chat , regarding the sticker ^^
Hey Jolene,
U know what? We cant control what others gonna say/think about us. Babe, these people don’t matter to u, u dun even know them, they judge u because they do not know u. Your true friends know u and they are the ones who r going to be by ur side. and ur family too!
In my heart, u are always the kind-hearted pretty senior that i know, and i admire u alot( u dunno how much i do). Be confident and try to ignore them k, this is life. Everyone gets that. Trust me.
And pls dun stop blogging ;( bcause u are a good blogger n u shud continue to blog to inspire others. *big big hugs*
pls dont delete..we still enjoy reading u blog
I just found your blog, your photos are great, what camera do you use?
I feel terrible that bad comments have made you want to quit your blog. I know its hard to ignore bad comments from people, they often tend to stay with you, unfortunately sometimes longer than the good ones.
But, f@#&*’em there’s plenty of us who enjoy you, and I hope we count more.
Big hug with a soft pat on the back. Keep Blogging!!!!!!!!!!!!!
NO Don’t delete your blog. I just found it.
hi jolene! although you do not know me but i happen to be a junior of yours! im also a aimst dental student, from batch 6, so i think we prolly havent crossed each others’ path in campus anyway haha!
i was a little hesitant about leaving a comment but when i came across this post of yours i think i need to tell you that you really shouldnt delete your blog! i’ve enjoyed reading it so much and u have no idea how much it entertained me. especially aimst related.
so promise u wont delete ur blog alright?? or at least just leave it if you dont feel like updating that much.
yes, thats how much i like reading ur blog ;
jo: hi there Cynthia! :)) wow..!! thanks for dropping by and thank u for reading my blog..! 😉 I didn’t think any juniors would still be reading my blog…but thank you for letting me know! 😀 You should be in Year 2 now, right? How are you enjoying it?
🙂 And don’t worry… i was just having a moment… i’ll just be blogging whenever and wherever. 🙂 Can add me on FB if you want, i update it more than anything. haha. ;P
Thanks for sharing this article, keep up the good work. Nice share.
I just came across your blog a few days ago while browsing through shopping reviews. (I’m a shopaholic too!!) Your blog entries are so awesome I’m hooked to it! …so don’t care what the others say. They have no life other than to pout at others. You are not ugly and hey, you have a bf! I bet they don’t even someone to hear them out so they had to go all bitter on others’ lives! So don’t give up on blogging k? Looking forward to your next post! =)
Hi Jolene,
I’ve been a follower of your blog for many years too, but have never commented. I’m a medic and I envy you dentists! I love who you are as all the others have mentioned, and I know what you mean about being big boned and tall amongst the small skinny girls! I think you’re a wonderful blogger, great to be comfortable with who you are, and courageous to be taking on all the crap from people out there. Keep blogging – i do miss your regular posts! Despite having other priorities, I believe blogging is still a wonderful pasttime and a great way to make new friends!
The Nike LunarEclipse+ might look old school but they’re definitely new school and ready for your active lifestyle. The nike lunar shoes is considered Design for high performance and low environmental impact for traction and durability.