The Ham Sap Por Way To Trap Innocent Boys

Funny how I can turn Esther’s request to snap some photos of architecture in Subang Jaya for her uni assignment into a step by step guide on how to menghamsap young, handsome and innocent boys.

This entry must be read in a horror-story narrative type of voice, okay? Get set, go!

Our first victim was Mr. Julian Han Yijin. He naively took notice of my MSN nickname which screamed, “Miss Lai, you need teman to go around taking photos of houses in Subang Jaya. Please look for one!”.

Oh how I salivated when he happily climbed into my car. I have a boy in my car. Yes, it was going just as I had planned. Dimples are a favourite. Mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm. Young boys. *rubs palms*

He brought me to a friend’s house. The other boy’s name was Adrian Tan. He was a fine young specimen too. The beast in me was hungry for the other young boy as well. However, he had to study for his anatomy paper or all his dreams to be a doctor would be doomed. I guess I shall allow him to nurture a little more before reaping all that he is worth in a few years’ time when he grows into a handsome and wealthy doctor. Yes, the plan shall be so.

I brought our innocent and handsome Yijin to the nearby park and made him do silly poses for me. Little did he know what I really wanted… *rubs palms and licks lips*

Of course, of course. I must also pretend that I’m taking photos of houses. Ahem.

The park was nice and empty and I had Yijin all to myself. MUAHAHAHAH.< -- supposed to be evil laughter you know?

What a happy child he is. The more I look at him the quicker I want to get to business. He is falling deep(oooh!) into my plans. Yes.. yes..excellent….

I needed to assess his physical attributes. Hence, I made him climb the tree for fun(oh but it was more fun for me!). I had the chance to examine his physique like seeing if his butt is succulent enough. Mmm.

However, he was too blur to notice my advances. I had to bring him to a more secluded place. I told him I “needed some photos of the housing area from a higher place,”. He lapped it up and followed me wherever my heart contented.

I needed to pretend, you see.

The cheeky little boy played hide and seek with me. Why, he is SUCH a naughty boy. He’ll be punished very very very badly later. Very badly..

Oh such innocence is a rarity indeed.

However, in the midst of my ‘plans’, I was distracted by such beautiful and unique architecture.

I could not resist myself from the photography opportunities. *shakes head* I MUST KEEP FOCUSED!

I quite like this picture too, yes.

I needed more time alone with Yijin, so I drove the both of us to a nearby park. It was empty and serene. Perfect!

Another trick to distract your victim would be to keep them occupied by letting them camwhore all they want.

Make sure nobody is following your suspicious looking car.

I sent Yijin home and finished what I set out to do. Yes, what happened will remain a traumatic scar in Yijin’s young and brief life.

My second willing victim was the manly Calvin Ho who sometimes wants to be known as Calvin Hood(akin to Robbin Hood) because of his intentions to steal for the poor(when he is bored). He also likes the name because he only has to add an ‘od’ at the back of his surname, very convenient for him, he says.

My victim was too good to be true. He offered to fetch me, the one who holds his destiny. He is a brave man. I like brave men. Mmmmmm.

I brought him to a park in SS19. A housing estate where I spent the first 3 years of my tumultuous life.

Calvin refused to climb the tree for me. I could not carry out the same physical assessment that I managed to carry out with my first victim, Yijin.

 
I made him sing me a song as a punishment.

To encourage this slightly more introverted victim to open up, I had to go around and show him what it was like to let loose and enjoy the moment.

Calvin decided to wonder around aimlessly, unaware of my preying eyes.

Air liur meleleh..

My, my, what a cheeky little boy. He shall get what he wants….oh yes.

I had more ideas for places to go to carry out my cleverly devised plan.

Just like with the first victim, I had to remember that I had to keep up with the pretense.

And suddenly Calvin decides that he is camera shy.

One of my favourite places to keep the boy all to myself in an extremely secluded place: another overhead bridge.

By the way, if you can read the sketching on the pillar, someone wrote, “I love Kelvin Teh Kai Vern”. This dude lives on my row and has a sister my age. When he was in form5, I was only in form2.

Once again, I got distracted.

I had to keep my specimen cheery for better results ..for later. HeheheheehMUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.

Little did he know that the sign pointed to something that he never ever wanted to happen.

My clever plans went well, I must say. I am extremely satisfied.

Very very very very satistied. MUAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHA.

———————————————————————————————

LOL. Nah, Yijin and Calvin, this is the ‘mystery’ post that I’ve been promising you guys for damn long already. Hahahha. What do you expect me to blog for a house-photo-taking trip? Sure sien one ma. Must talk crap once in awhile.