Woman Of The Road

After driving on the roads of the Klang Valley for three years now, I’m rather proud with what I can do now behind a steering wheel. While I’m still the girl who freaks out if I lose my way around town, I have to say that it doesn’t happen very often now as it did before.

Who could forget the first moments of driving after receiving your probational license? Driving on the left side of the road at 40kmph, freaking out that the road leads to the highway, freaking out that the bus in front of you is braking(because you’re on the bus lane), making 10937-point-turns, getting honked at at least twice in one driving session, Su-Hsiens who grab your steering wheel because she’s afraid that you’re veering to the right too much, Su-Hsiens who yell at you to be on the Touch-N-Go lane when you’re like more than 100 metres away from the toll house, Su-Hsiens who yell “RED LIGHT!! RED LIGHT!!!” and screaming “I KNOW LAAAAA!!!” back at them… what a nightmare.

I never want to be a noob driver ever again!

Everybody who has a blog would definitely have blogged about their first driving lesson. Not one experience goes without being funny! Especially driving exams. Oh I had LOTS of lousy experiences. How about trying to give the obligatory duit kopi and then getting it returned a couple of hours later because there was a surprise check from the authorities on THAT VERY DAY thus resulting in me getting failed? (and the reason I failed was because I was driving at 20kmph. No other reason. Except that.) And I also got screamed at by those low class JPJ officers conducting those tests. It’s not my fault that they didn’t want to improve themselves and get better jobs that did not require them to turn blacker by the day under the hot sun. All got bad mood one. And if you get a single piece of instruction wrong(ie. not knowing which counter to go to to settle some documents, prepare to be yelled at.)

Hehe, anyway, there were many funny incidents my friends went through. Here are the two most funny stories I’ve ever heard!

The first one would be a friend, who famously still hasn’t obtained his license yet.(in his defense, he is a busy, busy man!) So anyway, during the beginning of his On-The-Road test, he did all the prerequisites.. check that the handbrake is down, check the rearview mirror, check check check…and then he started driving.

The tester asked him, “Hujan ka?” (translation: raining ar?)

And he was like puzzled, and he smiled and said, “Ya tuan. Ujian!” (translation: Yes sir, test.)

The tester took a deep breath, and repeated his question, “HU-jan kar?”

My friend was still quite weirded out so he just said again, “Ya tuan..Ujian..”

The tester really lost it this time, “HUJAAAAN KAAA??” and pointed at his wipers that were sliding left and right on his windscreen.

WAHAHAHA.

And this is the best story. I have another friend who is damn funny one! So it was the Slope test. He did it all correctly. Then he had to stop before the yellow line to be graded by the tester. After that, the tester extended his arm, perpendicular to his body with his palms facing upwards.

This friend of mine was wondering what the hell the tester was doing. And he didn’t know what the tester meant(it might have meant that he passed or wanted a bribe, but my friend surely didn’t know what was going on.)

So, he got out of the car, and slapped the tester’s palm, like giving him a high-five.

…..Damn sweat right? But this story never failed to tickled anybody who heard it. Legends lah my friends.

Anyway, back to the story about me being a woman of the road. Though as I said, I’m not the best driver on the road but I’ve definitely improved. i know my way around better and somehow it gives me this deep sense of achievement. Very satisfying.

So far, I’ve never banged another car, only stationary objects. Like the curb outside SS14. If you see tyre marks in a parabole curve on the side of the curb, you can be sure that it was my fault. My car literally went up the curb with a big WHAM and then I had to steer the car down again. The low lights were smashed beyond recognition. But I was forgiven soon enough by my parents as it was like, one or two months into my life as a real driver on the road.

The second accident would be the touch and go metal thingie at Pyramid. Sigh. I think the dent is still there. This was also back in 2004.

Then the infamous U-turn accident which I turned VERY VERY slowly at, thus causing a speeding Iswara(it was his fault too!) to screech and swerve to the left thus hitting the curb and damaging his rims. But I think he cheated me abit also lah because at the end my father paid RM500. I don’t know how many of you have been reading me since September 2004… but I’m sure almost all my close friends(and family) would remember this story very well. I thought it wasn’t my fault so I cointinued to drive on but was stopped by the traffic lights. The guy pulled up next to me and held my car by the hood shouting profanities at me, not letting me go.

Imagine, I was horrified. I didn’t know what to do. I just screamed and screamed and screamed and tears streaked down my face. You know the type of screams you get in horror movies when someone sees a corpse or a monster? My brother, at that time was in form3, just after his tuition, was summoned to go out of the car by that big burly guy. He was like, “IF YOU’RE A MAN, YOU COME DOWN NOW!!!” and I was still screaming and crying. Then my brother was like, “Cheh, your face turned into a pau. Like this round mass of…..scrunched up roundness..What are you doing?” but I was still crying like mad. He said my face totally changed into something else. Hahaha. I told him, “I’m hoping that my screaming will scare him away,” I said, amidst my tears.

Then the Iswara car went to my side door and asked me to wind the windows down. I carefully wound the windows down and he was like, “We have to settle this. You still studying?” and I was like, “*SOB* Yes..*SOB* Still..*SOB* studying *SOB* *SNIFF* A-a-levels in Tay*sob*lors..*sob*sob*…” and then he said, “Oh, I did my CPU there….Look, I’m not going to eat you. Just pull to the side.”

So we did.

It was quite scary lah. The guy had another two friends who came on motorbike to survey the damage. I called my mother immediately who called ALLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL my relative in Subang Jaya. She really didn’t leave anyone out lor. My grandmother, grandfather, Godpa Alex, Godma Susie, Aunty Adeline, Cousin Hoong hoong, Cousin Hong Weng, Cousin Hong Fei, Uncle Yew Hee….and of course, jeng jeng jeng, my father.

I also, apparently, got my own gang. Well it was settled for RM500 but alot of people said I got cheated.

Funny thing is I found the guy on Friendster recently and I asked him if he was still driving just as fast, and he asked me if my driving has improved..hahah, He’s on my friendster now though.

The last accident would be the corner curb near Mel’s house. There was a gaping hole in one of my back tyres.

Well, that was it. Proud to say since the end of 2005, there has been no accidents so far. Let’s keep this up!

About me knowing my way around, it certainly helps that I have to go down to Puduraya every now and then to take those damn buses back to Sungai Petani. Which also means I know a thing or two about going to KL now. Like I could drive down to Petaling Street without ANY mistake. I’m so proud of myself okay!

Previously, I didn’t know how to go to One Utama and every drive down was a gamble. But now I know.:) I have to bypass Damansara Uptown. Which also means I can drop off my Cleo contest entries as soon as they magazine comes out, thus increasing my chances of winning the things! And by driving to One Utama, I can also gain access to The Curve, Ikano and Ikea! So easy!

With that knowledge, I could move on to greater things like driving all the way to Hartamas. The once forsaken uptown area that I could never get there without a reluctant friend(reluctant because I was always following at a slow speed) leading me in the car in front. Now I can go there to check out their flea markets and stuff whenever I want to!

I even know the way to Cheras! 😀 No thanks to the fact that my dear housemate Lie Yuen stays there, which is why I’ve learnt the route as well. It makes me very happy when there are no glitches in my journeys. And Cheras was a destination that I’ve always wanted to head over to because of my great big love(then) for Douglas Lim. I wanted to find his house and ..well, just look. BWAHAHHAA damn stalker right. Please don’t tell your brother ah, Desmond! Anyway, speaking of Douglas Lim, his brother told me that Douglas will be marrying his childhood sweetheart this month. Ah well, *takes hanky out and dabs eyes* I’ve always loved happy endings. But yeah, Cheras now means nothing to me except for the fact that I go there to take Lie Yuen out to teman me or drive there to buy books with her etc.

I’m also very proud to say that I know how to go to KLIA without ANY problems. Hahahhaa, don’t laugh at me, I know it’s a straight route but oh, you know. It’s cool to know how to go to KLIA. Just in case I have any overseas friends that needs picking up. Not that I have any. But you never know. (Damn Becky Bloomwood right??)

Another place that I’ve managed to go to would be Putrajaya but I got SO LOST. Remember those times, Weng Lum??:( We rounded, and rounded and ended up at the Prime Minister’s office, camwhored with it just for fun, and continued on our quest to find the effing Jabatan Khidmat Negara but was told that it was all the way in Kuala Lumpur. Oh, for god’s sake. But yeah, I’d like to learn my way around there a little better.

Well, I know to get to Jalan Sultan Ismail which is very good because it can lead me to a few good bars if I need to bring any friends there(or my UK aunty and uncle who like the nightlife.. I brought them to Luna Bar early last year and they loved it!) and yes, Luna Bar. the ever beautiful bar in the skies. Me no fan of Skybar. Luna Bar is still nicer. Skybar very hot la. From Jalan SI I can also find my way to KLCC right?
On my list, I have a few other places that I’d love to know how to get to:

1. Sungai Wang because taking the public transport pisses me off sometimes. But I deal with it if I don’t have the car on that day.
2. Bangsar. For all the wonderful funny plays that they have there, I want to goooo!!(and also the brilliant boutiques)
3. KLPAC in Sentul, ditto.
4. KL Sentral, to ease my way around KL.
5. Asian Heritage Row, you know when I want to appear like I know how to be “out and about”. But apparently, I DON’T!*breaks down and cries*
6. Maybe Kota Kemuning, to visit friends..

And with that, my friends, I’m all set.