Done With Medicine, But Can It Be Retained?

That is the question. Now, two more topics of surgery before I acknowledge the fact that nothing really went into my head. The medicine lecture notes are so bloody abbreviated that I feel like setting it on fire. What the fark is a RDW? Something to do with hematology one okay.. Something to do with the differential diagnosis of microcytic anemia. If any other med or dental students out there knows, help. Granted, I didn’t bother to google it.;\

I was thinking of completing my studies for the night by 4am(which is so not happening, it’s a quarter past 3am 🙁 ) and then photoshopping the photos that I have piled up to, of course, be put on this blog. Where else?

It’s also during the exam season when I would look at the things in my room. I was looking at my puncher, pencil box keychain and iPod. I then turned around to stare at my photoframes and then wasted a few more minutes admiring my earrings collection before this gem of an idea came to me. I always like to see how far I can go with my noobish photoshopping skills and how cute would it be if I can photoshop photos of me sitting on the pile of staplers, hanging from an earring(oh the irony!) or squatting down on my notes, staring cock at it. Maybe peeking out of the empty box of Strawberry Rocky Biscuits? Or standing next to my alarm clock, crossing my arm, disdain at how time flies.

I will do that after the exams. Hahaha. Heed the words of a woman in the throes of pre-exam tension. I know throes is used for when describing a woman going crazy during sex. I just want to play around with words that I don’t know how to use. 🙁 I is so pitiful. I actually harbour secret ambitions in wanting to become a writer. I want to write a novel one day. But I know that I cannot write. Yes, you have been fooled. These words here and sometimes in the newspapers are, I have to say, not very good. At least they are to me. I want to flow with beautiful melodious descriptions and paint illustrious images with mere words alone. So difficult.

I’ve actually derived my first storyline eons ago. And it sort of further developed when I watched TVB’s Maiden’s Vow. And also when my Great Grand Uncle jokingly said that he should write an autobiography of my mum’s side of the family. Five great grandmothers, anyone? Great grand Dad came to China when he was 13 years old to work as a cook. He was so short that he had to use a stool to do his cooking. Yeah, same dude who married five wives because he wanted sons. Only the fifth great grand mother(the one that I’m related to by blood) gave him his first son. Alas, the boy fell to his death at the age of three from the dining table. No wonder we’re not allowed to play on the dining table as kids. I enjoyed climbing on to the dining table with my brother because it was so high above the ground!

Anyway, as every large family would, we had delicious scandals! Stories that I can only ever tell behind an anonymous pseudonym. But muka-loving people like me will never write a book as an anonymous writer. Pfft! Imagine all the fame that I’m giving it up for..and all the chances that I can camwhore with my book in every consequent blog post! No! Hahaha..Joking, joking.

So as I was saying, yeah, great grand father eked out a living by trading pigs and selling pork porridge. For a family of *scribbles 5+14+random maids* 20 over people. And most of them went to university too! This is my grand parents time we’re talking about. Pigs must’ve been in fashion.

Argh I’m digressing. See, that’s why I’ll never make a good writer. Back to how I was talking about a storyline I had eons ago. I can’t remember who’s idea was it but Mel and I wanted to come up with a book called “Grandfather Stories”. Clearly, I can’t go digging for more grandfather or grandmother stories because three of my grandparents have passed on. The remaining grandmother does have her fair share of stories like pretending to be a boy during the Japanese occupation but that’s about it, nothing much to tell about growing up at the Malacca General Hospital where her mum was a mid-wife.

Stories like how my grandfather’s grandfather smoked away the family’s tin-mining business(but third generation rule, I wouldn’t be able to enjoy any of that anyway! Um, not that I’m not living a more than comfortable life now, *looks at dad guiltily*) or how he was occasionally beaten by his uncle while his mother, being a widowed single mum, worked as a servant for a rich family or my grandmother(the one who passed away) who apparently hid upstairs in a shop lot in Penang for two years because the Queen of Siam was looking for her. According to her, her father was a dance instructor and frequently traveled up to Thailand to teach the Queen how to dance. ACCORDING to her, the queen and my great grand father…..I’ll innocently say and to avoid a war between Malaysia and Thailand….fell in love. So upon the death of my great grand mother, the Queen demanded that they bring my grandmother to her for she was the splitting image of her dead father, a man whom she er, (I suppose only ar! I love Bangkok! Shopping so nice! Don’t kill me!), fell for or had fun with or whatever.

But then again, my grandmother has been known to sprinkle hypertension inducing salt and pepper to her stories. 🙂 We’ve always loved the Siam Queen story the most though it definitely sounds fictional. But damn, what a good addition to the book that Mel and I wanted to write! Today, another version of the title came to me(yaya, it’s the stupid exam doing its thing again): “Grandfather Stories – And a Little Bit More. Just like how Grand dad likes it.”

Oh then the love story between her sister and a postman? Sigh. They are still married to this day by the way. My grandmother being the more literate one, was forced by her sister to write love letters to the postman. She and her younger sister would giggle at the postman’s reply and her older sister would snatch back the love letter in anger.

So many tales!:) And the inspiration from Maiden’s Vow is a tale of four generation of women. Each fighting to be with the…wait for it….love of their lives! Each….wait for it..tale as heartbreaking as the next! Damn melodrama lah but I loved it! I wanted to do one copy cat version but of women in Malaysia as opposed to the Hong Kong women theme.

…Oh, then what else did I want to do ar while being stuck studying for the exams…

OH YAH! Mun Teng told me her brilliant idea about wanting to go check out some wholesalers around Pudu. Apparently there are nice clothes there to look see. It’s one of those places where you have to buy all sizes of that particular top or all colours of that particular size. Yalah, it’s like one of those blogs that you see dotting the whole internet trying to sell clothes online. At first I thought it was a good idea because almost all the blogs I’ve come across, clothes are really SOLD out. The market must be big enough for everyone. Every girl loves to shop right?

We’re not sure lah, just thinking if we should get our hands wet a bit. Like if we like something and are forced to buy the variants, then maybe put it up on my blog and see if any of you girls are interested to take some off our hands(money would be involved lah. haha u think I santa claus meh).

But one thing though, besides Shopaholics(I love you Leng! Forever!), I realized that a lot of these shopping blogs don’t really sell shoes. Shoes are so much easier to sell than clothes! As in, the chances that someone fitting into shoes is definitely higher than fitting into clothes that are purchased online.

I was over at Yuyugo.com and according to the size chart, my boobs are bigger than their L size. 92cm is the maximum chest size. A quick google on metric conversions and I found out what 92cm in inches was. Oh god. WHY WHY WHY. It’s not so much the boobs, it’s the fucking trunk. Like a bloody tree. More than 92cm. Hm, this means that if you do a cross section of my chest, and remove the skin in a clean sheet…. cut the middle, the entire length will be 1 metre or more. That’s freaky.

Angered by the discrimination against big boned women, I went to Malaysianbabes.net to see if anybody knows of any good shopping blogs catering to plus size women. And get this, they can only come up with names like Ms. Read and Dorothy Perkins. Tell me something I DON’T already know. And those brands usually cater to the older crowd. Mehhh. My youth! My youth!!

Okay, enough crapping. So happy to ramble at 4am. Good night everyone! You go to sleep while I attempt to study Fluids and Electrolytes.

Too Heavy To Study

That’s the feeling I’m talking about. The moment before you attempt to study for the first time in the semester(or module, as we call it here). This intense heaviness that tugs at your limbs, your backside and feet preventing you from devouring the first paragraph.

The studying momentum takes time to build. Attempting to study is like riding a bicycle. You peddle to pick up speed and if you stop, everything stops as well. The going down hill part goes well with this bicycle-studying metaphor too. If the paper is tomorrow, you’ll be studying really really fast. Trying your best to absorb everything. Sometimes, everything goes down hill too. Hehehe. That’s the Jolene’s emotional breakdown for those of you who remember the whole “I CAN’T DO PEMBEZAAN AND ADD MATHS IS IN TWO WEEKS!! WAHHHHHHHHHH” *add maths classmates at Mr.Chan’s house stares quietly as I become a blubbering mess*.

You keep telling yourself that you’ll start earlier, earlier, earlier! But somehow or other you will make sure that you push your work to the eleventh hour. When I was younger(like 16 years old, young), I’d scold and promise myself that I will work harder and in advance for the next exam. Doesn’t change a thing.

Strangely, in year one, I did study throughout the year. Like those studying after class kinda thing. Which is SO not me. But I thought, “Hello, this is university, must be like that ma”. It dwindled, dwindled and came year 3, I used my big toe to turn the printer on and finally printed the notes like a week before the exams. 3 more days to my first paper!

Granted that I only have like 17 topics to cover(and random dentistry topics from year2 that could be asked during the dentistry practical) but I am wondering if I should’ve started studying a month ago as how I usually do for my other exams?

Somehow or other, I will subconsciously allocate the amount of time for myself to study to ensure maximum stress. If I only had five topics to study, you can be sure that I’ll only attempt it the night before the exam.

WHY AM I LIKE THAT!!?

No point asking me to change, cannot change one.

The thing about studying last minute is that the materials are obviously fresher. But it’s also safer to know that you have time to cover all bases. So which one should it be?

I’m also quite happy that I made myself follow a study list ever since the end of year 1. I can estimate the amount of topics that I have to cover a day to make sure that I’m done studying before the exams. Imagine if you study a topic or two everyday and stop there because you’re just too tired to go on, imagine the horror if you realize that you’ve got like 40 over topics left to cover in five days. Actually, that’s nothing. Have you ever had to cover 15 topics in one day?! And one topic takes like….1 and a half hours to finish. God, year 2 was the ultimate nightmare. Finishing my allocated topics for the day(night?) when school buses rumbled past with the kids screaming at 7.30am.. then lying in bed, wide awake because it was too bright to sleep. Oh, the life of a student! The life of a LAZY student!

I need to chug along. Will someone please put a bullet through my Fluff Friend so that I don’t gamble so much to buy food for it to eat? Will someone please hack crunchyroll.com so that I have no more TVB dramas to stream? Will someone sneak into my room and delete my MSN messenger? Will someone please tie me down to my chair(but leave the hands so that I can turn the pages of my notes) and pry my eyes open with toothpicks?

🙁 Sigh.

Distractions. Oh, but don’t do anything to my blog OR Streamyx connection!(i will personally tear down the nearest TMnet building if my internet dies now) It’s my only therapy. 🙁

My Out Of The Blue Take On Desperate Housewives Season 4 Episode 6

Before I go on any further, Lie Yuen, Nien, Brenda, Poh Yee and Zhu Zen, please do not continue reading this post and you may only return when you’ve come over to take the latest Desperate Housewives’ episode. Mervyn, the file is in your received folder.

If you don’t already know, I’m a HUGE Desperate Housewives fan! I’ve been following the series ever since it premiered in 2004. Fresh out of a long obsessive affair with Sex and The City, I thought nothing could ever replace Carrie, Samantha(my idol!), Miranda and Charlotte. I never knew I could ever love a show this much again. Desperate Housewives rocks!! I refresh isohunt.com every minute after 9.30am on Mondays to get the torrent link!

There’s nothing real about the show. It’s so bloody extravagant that you feel that it’s a whole different universe, almost on par with how bizarre the Heroes universe is.(I think they call it ‘universe’ when they talk about the world that revolves around a certain tv series.) Murders, lies, affairs affairs affairs and almost affairs!!, brilliant one liners(or multiple lines in Bree’s case), cute kids, weird kids, lovely husbands(sigh Tom! sigh..) and how incredibly clever these women are. It’s amazing how the women can turn any shit that they are in into a bed of roses within nanoseconds. Damn fast thinking!

Episode 6 was about the gay couple Lee and whatshisname throwing a Halloween party to make their neighbours like them more. Everybody on Wisteria Lane hates them because of that silly fountain monstrosity in their garden that they were so bitchy about. Digressing, Lee is cute!!

We’ll go through the storylines by name, ya?

For the Edie-Gabby-Carlos storyline, it’s really predictable. Carlos and Gabby, affair. Edie(for those who don’t know, was with Carlos for awhile.) hires a private investigator, finds out. Edie goes to the IRS about Carlos’ stashed away embezzled USD10 million. Carlos managed to hire an accountant to clean his mess for him. Edie has one thing less to threat Carlos with. Gabby wants to breaks up with her politician husband Victor Lang. Victor Lang’s father offers her a cheque with “many zeros” to stay with Victor for another year before the next elections. Victor wins Gabby back, Gabby is touched. La la la. But Edie uses her last ammo and brings the photos the private investigator took of Gabby and Carlos making out to Victor. Victor is a dangerous man. He looks like can hire people to kill Carlos.

But moving on, I don’t really like any storyline involving Edie.

Susan…. let’s skip. She overreacts when she learns that Mike has a father(after he told her that he was dead on their first date) who is currently serving a life sentence in prison for killing a man and shows no remorse. Bleh. Boring.

But my two favourite storylines are these…..*brings out the hanky*

As we all know that Lynette was diagnosed with Hodgkin’s Lymphoma at the end of season 3.. it has been tough watching her battling the cancer and dealing with chemotherapy.(Favourite scene was when Tom didn’t want her to put on anymore wigs when they had sex. No more naughty cheerleaders(she roleplayed with the many wigs), just Tom and Lynette. Awww!!)

In this episode, she apparently went for a scan to see if there were any cancer cells left. It left her feeling agitated for days on end while waiting for the test results. She goes to her garden and sees a hole in her soil, the naughty deeds of a wild possum. She gets very angry and aims to kill the possum who came into her garden and destroys it. You’d think that the chemo(or maybe lack of!) is doing things to her, but we later learn that it’s actually her using the possum as a metaphor. The possum is like the cancer that has come into her family and destroyed her family’s life. She will do whatever she can to kill it! She buys poison(but the possum eats around it) and buys a trap cage(but her youngest daughter accidentally crawls into it..haha)…nothing works and she was very upset. She buys an air rifle and hopes to catch the possum in the act and get rid of it once and for all. Much to the horror of Parker, her younger son. YA! I didn’t know that the twin boys were older than Parker!

While lying on her couch one evening, the doctor drops by to deliver the exciting news: Cancer cells are gone!! Her mother takes the doctor into the kitchen to celebrate with alcohol. Lynette walks out of the house in a daze and looks up at the skies. She inhales the fresh night air and stretches like how one would on a Sunday morning in bed. She then exhales with the silliest of grins, the brightest we’ve seen in the entire season. She’s extremely extremely happy with her new chance at life. Then she looks down and sees the possum lying near her picket fence, with his four little legs pointing up.

Lynette’s smile turned into sobs as she apologized to the possum. She felt horrible for taking away its life. I was already in tears from the Bree-Danielle story line so this scene only made me cry much harder. Damn sad okay! The last time I cried while watching Desperate Housewives was when Lynette saw Mary-Alice in her recurrent nightmares and went up to her and broke down and asked desperately, “Please! tell me! How can I help you?” knowing very well that the next moment, she would hear a gunshot after Mary-Alice walks into her house to commit suicide like in her previous nightmares. She tried to make this last nightmare different, to make things better. It was the episode where Carolyn Bigsby killed Nora. Best episode evarrr. It sort of changed her whole perception after Nora’s death.

Yeah, Lynette’s my favourite Desperate Housewife.

Now, about Bree’s family.

Ever since the start of Season 4, she’s been pretending to be pregnant while hiding her pregnant daughter, Danielle at a convent. She plans to raise the child as her own and also to protect Danielle’s dignity(or whatever that’s left of it.) Some moral values injected by ABC, I suppose. No sex before marriage or else this is what happens! Bree’s very traditional and very conservative while her kids are like the worst teenagers in the world. A son that is confusingly helpful yet absolutely evil, keen on telling the world about his mother’s secrets. Oh and he’s gay too, much to Bree’s chagrin. Danielle, her daughter, is super spoiled and rebellious.(ie. Fucking her high school history teacher and not feeling bad about it. But no, the baby belongs to Edie’s nephew.)

So in today’s episode, there was the Halloween party, as we know it. You have to download the episode and see everyone’s costume for yourself. Best costume goes to Dr. Mayfair the Gynecologist who went as the Frankenstein monster. Looks so different from his usual small stature. Anywayyy… Bree went as Little Bo Peep while her husband Orson went as Napolean(or something with a blonde bob). They were all having fun parading around in their costumes until Danielle, whom Bree is hiding from the entire neighbourhood for fear of bringing shame to her family, appears at the door. She came as Bree! From the hair down to the choice of maternal dress…she nailed it! Damn funny, seeing her mocking her mother by imitating her mother’s mannerisms.

When Bree pulls Danielle aside to scold her, Danielle’s water broke and the hosts were like, “What’s that?!!” and Bree, shocked but instantly smiled and chided her daughter, “Danielle!! Why did you have to break the water balloon so fast? Shouldn’t you at least wait until the end of the party?” and with one of her trademark smiles, she pulls her family out of the house and back into their own home.

She goes back to the party to fetch Dr. Mayfair(remember, the gynecologist) and has no choice but to let him in on the family secret. But surprise, surprise, Dr. Mayfair asked, “Has this got something to do with your fake pregnancy?” Gasp! He knew it all along!

So anyway, they go back into Bree’s house where Danielle delivers the baby. The Scovo kids(Lynette’s children) were playing trick or treating in their garden. They heard Danielle screaming from inside but they thought it was a prerecorded tape, trying to scare them. Then they the entire birth process from a window and gave a blood curdling scream and ran away. There goes the big secret.

Let’s backtrack a little. Bree wanted to raise the child as her own, she wants it to be her second chance at caring for a child, to be a better mother. Who wouldn’t when both your kids turn out to be such nightmares. She knew that Danielle would never care for the baby. But Danielle is adamant that she can handle the child on her own and that she wants to have nothing to do with her mother.(even after the mother agreed to buy her a convertible..sheesh).

So anyway, after the birth, Bree washes the baby up and brings him to Danielle. Danielle feigns disinterest as the Bree walks closer. Bree whispers, “Do you want to hold him?” Danielle’s initially stoic face then crumbles as she extends her hand, like a child wanting a teddy bear. She cradles the baby boy in her hands but looks away as she tries to hold back her tears. Bree’s face was quivering slightly too. The camera than pans onto the baby’s face for the first time and Danielle hugs the baby closer and cries.

Then Bree asks again, her voice barely a whisper, “Do you want to be alone with him? Do you want me to go? What should I do?” I thought that was the best line of the night. Bree never loses control which is why hearing her say, “What should I do?” showed how desperate she was in such a situation. It’s like asking her if she wants to be alone with the child for that moment in time and at the same time asking Danielle if she should be the one to take care of the baby instead. So touching. 🙁
Danielle then hands back the baby to her and says, “You should take him.”

Bree asks again, “Are you sure? Sweetheart, do you feel like you’re making a mistake?”

Danielle sniffles again, “No, it’s the right thing to do for everyone….especially him.”

Then she hands the baby back to Bree and said, “But you’re right… it’s awful.” She was agreeing to Bree’s previous naggings about how motherhood will be and how difficult it would be for someone of Danielle’s age to be having a baby.

Danielle takes a few deep breaths and turns to the side, her arrogance coming back, “I’m going to sleep now.”

Bree looks at her daughter and whispers, “Okay, baby.”

The music was so not helping. Totally tears inducing. I now have a blocked nose thanks to this episode.

And that wraps up episode 6! Too bad for those of you who are keen to wait it out on 8tv! Or do they have it on Starworld now?

Going back to Kedah tomorrow. Wish me luck for my exams!

The Rumblings Of My Biological Clock

As I was boarding the bus on Friday afternoon with Lie Yuen, I saw a couple of toddlers running around. I turned to Lie Yuen and said, “You know, the moment I see kids on the bus, all my maternal instincts dissipate into thin air.” I can’t remember if she agreed or not as we were distracted by one of the kids’ relative who was talking into her hand phone. You know, one of those super chinese aunties who go, “Haaah!? Haaa… Haaaaaa…Haaaaaah?!!!” Wah lau.

But as I was telling Lie Yuen, that after 2 years of taking the bus, you stop feeling angry and take it in your stride. But I spoke too soon because the bus took nearly 6 hours to reach KL. From 2.30pm, I reached KL at about 9pm. Grrrrr!!

Anyway, back to the kid. After awhile, the little boy looked out the window and started singing a song to himself. Under usual circumstances, it would be annoying but I just couldn’t stop looking at the cute spiky bristles poking out of his head. It’s the type of baby hair that is so nice to nuzzle your face into. I want a son of my own! I momentarily changed my mind about his cuteness when he started sitting on the top of the head rest. It’s quite a climb for a boy of his stature.

Whenever I walk past a pram these days, i would have to peer in and have a look. I would then gush at the baby and pull faces at it. Sometimes the babies glare at me, sometimes they gurgle with happiness(i’m charming that way, what to do). There was this one time(at band camp?), I saw a guy bending over the pram with a handphone camera. He was just happily snapping away at his baby. It was such a sweet yet simple gesture from a man to be so adoring of his little bundle of joy. This is the very kind of man that a woman(who has vibrating ovaries) would want to marry.

I even bought a few baby clothes for my 6 month old nephew before and that’s saying something. I’m turning into one of those women! I want babies! I know it’s a silly thing to say but if only I could just speed the clock up a little and be 28 tomorrow.

Toddlers are cute too, even if they’re at the terrible twos stage. I saw a little girl(thought she was a little boy at first) playing at the lego table at Cineleisure Damansara last night. I waved and beamed at her and immediately, her two grubby little hands flew to her mouth to stifle the cutest of giggles! My mum was equally blown away. Hahaha. My mum has been telling me that she will help to take care of my children when I’m out working. 🙂 So nice!

I totally lose control when I see little baby sport shoes. How can something be so small? Even my dog’s paw can’t fit into it. Whenever I caress one of those fuzzy baby clothes, I just want to buy it and put it on a baby. A baby that does not exist yet. 🙂 I really hope I can have kids before I’m thirty.

Which reminds me: While Mel, Mun Teng and I were at Melur chomping on our usual Roti Kertas/Tisu? just now, Mun Teng said the silliest thing. “I want a baby that is perfect!” To which we gave her our ultimate DUH look.

“Oh, to each her own, Mun Teng. I certainly hope that MY baby has a cleft palate,” I told her while rolling my eyes. Obviously every parent would want their child to be problem free right? I certainly cannot imagine if I had a baby who was disabled. Would it be okay to abort it to ease it off the problems it would face in later life? I mean cleft palates won’t lah, that can be fixed. But things like Down Syndrome or some congenital heart problems like Tetralogy of Fallot.. etc.. those would be horrible. Okay, what about a slightly milder case like a bleeding disorder? Would it be better to relieve the baby of these sufferings even before it comes into the world? I’m just counting on better and improved technology by the time I decide to have a child of my own.

Obviously I’m sane enough to know what’s important for me now. The last three years of university. I won’t even consider having a kid while I’m still having my three years’ government service because I could be posted anywhere. Life would be stable when I’m 26. 🙂 I hope. But touch wood lah, say if I’m unmarried by the time I’m 35…36.. I would be one of those women who go shopping at the sperm bank. And then appear in a 2020s Female issue’s feature story entitled “Single Mums: Solo From The Start!”

I do wonder if I will be a fierce mum or a soft one? Will I be able to discipline the kids or will I be the one they turn to when daddy scolds them? My childhood involved a few threats of “stop crying or else you’ll only be eating roti canai with sugar”(which I grew to love btw!), bathroom lock ups, leaving me downstairs in the hall to cry.. I can’t recall many experiences with the cane. I think my grandparents used the cane on me more than my parents ever laid hands on me. But many sarcasm and ‘guilty talks’ thrown my way in all my twenty years! It proved to be beneficial:) I did quite a bit of kneeling down in front of the altar in my younger years. Once it was because I didn’t want to eat my dinner(kneeled in front of the Monkey God at my grandparents house. I was three years old!). Then when I was about five, my brother and I had to kneel in front of a fallen vase that we broke while dragging a balloon around the house. Must’ve been to pay our last respects to the fallen vase or something. I don’t know. Strange ideologies from my father. Haha.

I will definitely not use the cane on my children. Hitting them with my hand… I guess that can be taken into consideration. My mum has hit me on the side of my head before, a slight tap lah, but still, the hurt is more emotional than physical!

I can be quite controlling as a person. I hope I won’t be a controlling parent. 🙁 I would want my children to tell me things at their own will and not be one of those parents who dig into their personal stuffs or poke their nose into their kids’ lives, uninvited.

Now the big question: Private school, kebangsaan or chinese school? Hm.