Jolene Lai Lai Si

I’ll probably have no friends left after putting this entry up.

On wednesday, Brenda and I went to Tesco to have some good ol’ KFC. Lovely chicken, they have always been.

We then went into Tesco because she wanted to get some stationary for the new academic year. I went off on my own to buy a new tv ariel, a couple of mathematical box sets(we need it for tooth carving next week!) and an adapter.

While browsing through the tv ariels, I felt this intense pain in my stomach.

I HATE it when this happens. It just comes suddenly and totally knots my tummy up. I had to go the bathroom immediately.

I found Brenda at the tissue department, dumped my things in her trolley and told her, “Wei, stomach ache. Cannot tahan..You wait for me here ok? Very fast one!”

Then she said, “Harh!? Why suddenly one???”

I told her, “Happens lah.” and grabbed a 12-pack toilet roll (tesco value!) and ran off to the counter, leaving a laughing Brenda behind.

The tissue paper was RM2.99. The guy took his time to work his cash register. He punched a few buttons on the cash register, waited for the cash register to er..register, rang the cash register and picked out ONE CENT from the cash box and tore the receipt and handed it to me. I was in absolute pain.

So I walked briskly to the toilet which was like, 50metres away.

I felt a gurgle in my tummy and then a dull intensified pain.

Perhaps a fart would do me good. It always makes me feel better. Lessen the tension in the tummy.

Alright. So i farted.

…. somehow, the fart wouldn’t stop.

Imagine my horror ok?

It was no longer a fart. It just went on and on and I had to stop myself!

I grabbed on to my ass, just in case anything falls out and covered my ass with the huge pack of toilet roll just so that the public can be saved from the gruesome sight that was my …er colourised pants.

Somemore I was wearing that damn short stripey shorts that I wore in the pic in the post below. DAmnit!

So I continued walking LIKE THAT all the way to the toilet, not giving a shit(haha!) to how I must’ve looked – hands cupping the ass, toilet roll held behind.

I burst into the cubicles(and that was not the only thing that burst). Luckily for me I’ve got a plastic bag after buying that large packet of toilet roll.

Thank god it wasn’t much as it was mostly water. And water gets absorbed.

Yes, thank you for being my friend. Have a good life.

I had to sms Brenda.


first message


second message


third message


Brenda’s reply.


My next message.


her next reply. My savior!!


Hehehe.


I HAD to tell Lie Yuen what happened. It was too funny not to. This was meant to be read in the most monotonous tone one can ever muster. You know? Like deadpanning.


Hahahaha. How we laughed when we came home.

“So you throwed away your old panties and your shorts?” Brenda asked as we were leaving tesco.

“Er… it’s too pretty to throw away. I can’t possibly find another pair of stripey shorts. I hope you don’t mind that I’ve put it in a plastic bag and hung it on the side of your car door..” I said sheepishly.

“O_o!! Cha tou!” was Brenda’s reply.


And it didn’t fly off as we were driving. I went home and washed it straight away and it’s damn clean okay.

Now, do I still have friends left?! You know Jolene, always telling her stupid stories to make people happy, right right right?

The Port Dickson Stayover, Overspending and Stalking Douglas(again!)

I think by now most of you would have noticed a pattern. When I am back in Subang, I hardly have time to blog because I need to cherish every moment spent seeing everybody I hardly get to see and going to the places that I hardly get to go.

Can you believe I haven’t even been to One Utama, Midvalley AND Sg. Wang?! In all the 6 weeks I’ve spent here back home? ; Bummer.

I DID go to Ikano yesterday to visit my Aunty’s stall (Just Labels! – they make labels with your name on it and it’s all so colourful!) and ended up spending hours(and cash too. haha).

Firstly, I got sucked into this slightly Ah Lianish shop called Treats.

We all know treasures can be found at Ah Lianish type of shops, so I browsed around. But the sales girls’ enthusiasm overwhelmed me terlebih.

She just shoved clothes onto my hands and literally kicked me into the changing room and kept throwing more clothes at me, all the time chattering away in Cantonese.

I cannot converse properly in Cantonese when I am nervous. I will stutter and end up a complete fool.

A complete fool who bought Rm200 worth of clothes from that sweet mouthed Ah Lian sales girl. She forced this damn ugly belt onto my pile of clothes and I had to say, “NO!” firmly. *shakes head*


TWO PANTS + FOUR SHORTS + THREE SKIRTS = I ROCK!!
1. Black shorts for RM30 from Treats
2. Torn denim shorts for Rm23 from FOS, didn’t buy that though.
3. Light denim shorts for Rm23 from FOS
4. Flowery denim shorts for Rm23 from FOS
5. The back of no.4
6. Brown corduroy mini(short-until-chau-kong mini ok?!) skirt RM23 FOS

…*sweat* -_- I just realised I labelled two images  as number 6, hence screwing up everything else.
Oh well,

Second no.6: Pale flower embroidery on mini skirt for RM23.
7. Back of it.
8. Dark denim jeans for RM70, Treats.
9. White pin striped pants, which doubles as a three quarter pants for RM80, Treats.
10. Flare and pleated skirt, RM40, Treats.

The FOS stuff are like RM40 for TWO of the RM23 items.


The damage.

This post was meant to be about the Port Dickson trip I took with Daryl, Jon, Justin, Gaya, Her boyfriend Parvant, Nadine and her boyfriend Saif.


We started the trip with a dimsum breakfast at USJ21 Hong Foong(Fong Hoong?).


I love good porridge.


In Justin’s car.
L-r: Justin, Jon, Me.
HI JON’S MUM, AUNTY OOI!!! Jon says you read my blog!! Haha! Hello!!! …Omg, Jon just came online. What freaky coincidence…..*goes say hello to Jon on msn*


Daryl and Justin say that whenever they come to this apartment in PD, they have to set the furnitures properly at the balcony… and then light up the ciggies, before relaxing properly. Hahahaha.

It is his aunty’s apartment by the way. All of us only had to pay him RM12.50! What an affordable trip!


We went grocery shopping for some BBQ stuff. But since this was the day AFTER that Merdeka booze-overdose..I forgot to pack pad, facial cleanser, towel, pyjamas etc…. basically forgot to bring almost everything. Hahaha.

This is Daryl going “Wtf, who buys a beer, a facial cleanser and a packet of pads?”

HE posed the beer there. It’s his warped idea, not mine.


Now he pulak take out his cigarrettes and pose with my …necessities. -_- Bo Liao Betul.


Oooo! On the way out from the shops, I saw these on the floor. So pretty!


Someone’s camouflaging with Justin’s proton.


Last stop: Get mesh wire for the BBQ pit.


Mesh wire bras..?


Justin looked so peaceful fast asleep…..


But Noooo…Jon and Daryl had to kacau.


Taking Gaya’s bra…


..and putting it on Justin.


…then came my bikini bottom. teehee. And my scrunchy…which doesn’t really show.


And tampons to finish it all!


Look at this poser pic of Jon. Quite nice lah actually.


Daryl saw someone topless.


And started enjoying the view.


And the girl he saw ….was not a girl.


Me chilling.


Me chilling in Sepia mode.


Jon giving Daryl some love in sepia.


I quite like this photo of the both of us.


This is a very nice photo. I think the glass door acted like a polarizer of sorts. Betul or not photography pros?


Presenting Daryl’s leg hair.


Presenting mine.

We saw the sun set..!


According to Daryl, the way I yawn very fugly. Hahahhaa. And whenever I opened my mouth to yawn, this was his reaction. ??~


Justin found it funny too. I just don’t get it. o_O


Daryl had a few shots of himself in my camera that I didn’t know off. I nearly died laughing when I came across this photo. MY FRIEND IS A FREAK SHOW!!!!!!!!!!! Who exactly roll their tongues like that? Nobody!


Secret’s out.


NICE!


Change to “cool mode”. (my camera has that effect)


Or is this the “cool mode”?


Some photos against the sunlight. Makes nice photos as well.


Look at Daryl’s hand okay…..


Bwahahahaha. Silouhetted(sp?) third finger.


The lights outside the hotel/apartment.


We walked along the beach for awhile before it got dark.


Me acting …cute.er.. yeah. aiyah. i like lah.


That’s Daryl. Who else can it be lah?


Justin and I were collecting seashells along the beach. He’s got a little surprise for someone. Awwwwww..


Where we stayed.


Water rushing between my toes..


Passing love and passing seashells.


Daryl’s nipple needs a haircut.


Justin inspecting the stones he picked.


Gaya and I


Another view of the sunset.


Gaya and Parvant


Daryl having a shower…


The lights at night.


Saif and Nadine.. Aww..:( Make me jelez only. Chee Kiang was supposed to come..but he had classes which he couldn’t skip. ;( He made it up by visiting me during the weekend though. ^_^


Cock(erel) eye.


Looks damn scary..


Daryl looks scarier. Hahaha.


Awww..what a cutie!


Gasoline is the way to go. Fire starters are for pussies.


Gaya and her Parvant.


Nadine and her darling Saif! We learnt alot from you, dude! 😀


Me and mah chickens! (sounds close to Chee Kiang’s name anyway! ;P Don’t marah ya dear hahaha. He used to hate it when some boys in class called him Chicken.) A few friends have found out how to shut me up. I just eat my chicken quietly..


Daryl the chef.


The mess we made..


Cool leh! Slow shutter speed..


Me trying to fan the fire. So pathetic dei.


Jon and I.


A nice shot of the rest of the barbecue area.


Ooooooo..we had a peep show!


Malu already.


And stoned. hahahhaha.


The sleeping beauties.


Good morning kiss for Jon!


After playing in the sea, we came back to have brunch.


See, boys who KNOW how to cook.


I clawed my nails into his breasts. Hohohohohoh.


Playing around with what’s on the table..


Nice?


Oooooo!


A glass of sprite. Nobody gets any prize for guessing whose eyes are those. ;(


Justin’s elongated eye.


Kissy kissy.


Daryl!


Daryl!! I helped you remove your eyebags. I’m good yea???


OMFG HAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHA
Daryl’s legs damn hairy right. I started plucking leg hair out. Then I blew it off my fingers and he was like, “You think can make wish meh????”


Memang can make wish. So I wished to pass my biochemistry paper.


Please let me pass my biochemitry paper!


Jon also wanted to try the genie.


This is Jon.


This is Daryl’s ears. Eeeee..got pimple.


Hey, hey!


Gaya and I


Gaya cooking for Parvant


Don’t know what they were doing lah.


..don’t even wanna know.


Group shot!
top l-r: Gaya, Parvant, Jon Nadine, Saif
bottom l-r: Me, Daryl, Justin


Gaya and Parvant


The guys.
L-r: Justin, Jon, Daryl, Parvant and Saif


An angled pic


A reflection of me.


daryl’s doing it again..


I was trying to roll my tongue like him.


Cannot..


Jon tried keeping a goatee. Heeehee.


Our tripod.


Look at me!! I’m GLOWING!!! I also don’t know how I achieved that effect.


I caught Gaya posing in this position.


Looks like something out of a movie right?


One of the two of us.


A closer one.


One alone.


🙂

Oooh! I went for Actorlympics today! The show was really really really funny. And yes, the reason I went was because Douglas Lim was there. Hahaha.


HE HUGGED ME WHEN HE SAW ME. YAY!!! Next level! De De Deng! (you know those music when you level up in some Sega video game)


Smashpop looks ALOT like Douglas in Douglas’ younger days.


Another with Asyraf inside.
Seems that they booked an extra ticket and so happened I saw Smashpop online and I was like, “I WANTttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttt”… and yeah, rushed to Bangsar, paid a cabbie RM7 from Jalan Telawi to BSC….(long story).


One with Asyraf inside.

And So After The Exams…

No thanks to Blogdrive which was down for the past two days and I was supposed to be studying for the five days prior to that which is why I didn’t even attempt to blog.

Since Justin and Daryl will be coming to pick me up to go to PD in like, 5 minutes, I’ll just give you the brief details:

– Went Kedah for 5 days, sat for exam, scared like shit, got lost on the way home to KL(mum and I drove)

-Went for broken bridges with munteng and v-ng yan.

-Very happy Douglas Lim remembers me.

-Because I interviewed him for my school magazine back in 2003.

-Going crazy about Douglas Lim. Stalker back in full mode. Damn broken bridges started it.

-Missed the last train home from Sentul.

-Went yamcha with Dennis, Mun Teng and a new friend, David. Don’t understand Dennis’ line of work.

-wtf did i do on wednesday? *pounds head*

-Oh yeah, miscommunication in Subang on the way to SS2 for Bryanchin’s mini merdeka gathering with some of the other bloggers.

-Sat in Jasiminne’s car and had a good time hearing all her stories while getting lost in the merdeka jam.

-No pizza left for us at Bryan’s.

-Was offered drinks.

-Want to lanci and down everything. On an empty stomach

-Sat on neighbours’ wall and….*pictures later*

-Was …. way off tangent. Good blogpost shall follow my one and only time drunk.

-Saw Mikel(louyau!!) and waved like mad though I didn’t know it was him until I went up to him for a closer look. Went up to him and shouted, “I’VE NEVER SEEN YOU IN LIKE……NEVER!!!!!!” *hug!!*
That was so not me. Seriously. SO NOT ME. 0_0.

-Jasiminne drove me back to Subang and I met up with munteng, benshyen, kelvin lim, sze hsiung, his sis(sorry I can’t quite remember your name) and another guy whose name i forgot too at SS14. Arghh so sorry. I was not myself.

-Went to bridge near Taylor’s College to see fireworks from Sunway.

-So surprised that i was still able to set timer for my camera.

-Had to be held by Mun Teng and Ben SHyen as I walked down the bridge.

-Went home and told my brother my deepest darkest secrets. WTF..

-Caused Esther and Chee Kiang to call me from Australia and Singapore respectively after seeing one too many typos on my msn whining unnecessarily.

-Cried to Chee Kiang about how nobody cooked anything for me to eat. *puts hands up* Me cry when me have too much of alcohol in the body. Hohoho.

-Brother dug my ears for me and i fell asleep on his bed.

-Woke up at 3am and puked into the toilet bowl. Consistency of vomit was the exact same one as faeces. Officially broke record of not vomitting for the past 10 years. Last time was because I was nervous about my PTS exams.(the exam that enabled me to be a year younger than my peers)

-Woke up at 6am and puked into the toilet bowl. Consistency of vomit still brown and sloshy.

-Penny, me thinks it is your cupcakes, decolourised. Your cupcakes were white if I was not mistaken? It was the only thing I had in my tummy.
Sigh. Shall elaborate these points when I get back tomorrow afternoon.

Happy Merdeka, you all.

Just wanna say sorry to everybody whom I was tactless to last night. I didn’t say my thank yous and my byebyes.

Thanks Bryan for the party. Didn’t say thank you to your parents.

Sorry Asyraf for being weird. We’ll have to meet again.

Sorry everybody else who felt I was strange lah, basically.

I will never ever ever touch alcohol ever again. I hate vomitting. Oh god.

The Ultimate Malaysian Experience

Just like your average city girl, I was sent away for national service kicking and screaming. I worried about the food, I worried about theft, I worried about my hygiene(*snorts*), I worried about my skin, I worried about hamsap trainers and I worried about the lack of internet. I think I worried about that the most.

In all my life, I realise that I’ve been sheltered far too much. There were people here who don’t even own handphones and to me, that’s incredulous. But I soon learnt that these people who hail from the village have their own way of slow paced life.

Only in national service would I ever have the chance to play and learn together with these kids who come from all walks of life.

Despite the language barrier with the other chinese speaking chinese at camp, I tried to keep an open mind and communicated with everybody. I was desperate to find somebody who could converse with me in english.

As the weeks go by, I soon got by with my limited cantonese and broken Malay.

Everybody at camp noticed that I scribbled furiously in a notepad whenever there was time. They’d peek over and la

ugh and smile because what I was writing was about my experiences together with them.

After form5, most people would end up sticking with their own race. It is inevitable. But in National Service, it was arranged in such a way that nobody of the same race should sleep next to each other. My neighbours were both Malay girls.

My favourite of the two girls was named Farah. Farah is very down to earth and she remained impartial despite the politics going on in the dorm. Politics happened everywhere and you guessed it, it happened between the malays and the chinese. Farah and I were very close. So close that we’d join our beds at night and she would help me hold my torch light while I religiously wrote about my experiences in national service.

Farah comes from Putrajaya but it must be the environment that she grew up in because she can hardly speak a word of English. She recognises a few word every now and then from my journals and would chuckle.

“Oh!! Marriage!! Cakap tentang hukuman seks tu ya?” she said. I mentioned in my NS diaries something about the trainer threatening a marriage ceremony should anyone be caught doing naughty things around the camp.

She told me, “Bagus Jolene tulis diari tiap tiap malam! Cam nih Farah dapat belajar bahasa inggeris! Tulis lebih ya!” I was overwhelmed with a sense of encouragement.

Once of the cutest scenes I saw in camp was during my character building classes.
There’s this tall, lanky and hairy indian boy who would act like a total monkey making everybody laugh. He can only speak very little Malay. When you disturb him, he’ll get slightly pissed off and scolds you in Tamil. It was very funny so my friend Yee Ling, a hair dresser who works in Klang, found him very endearing.

Now she was the epitome of your typical ah lian hairdresser together with the hokkien accented Malay. Very very amusing.

“Oi Raju!! Lu jangan nakal ar!!” she’d shout at Raju, the aforementioned Indian boy and break into a giggle. Raju likes to disturb her as well because she had blonde hair, blue eyes and was as fair as snow. They’d squabble.. one teasing the other in broken malay and the other one scolding back in Tamil.

One of the things I miss about national service are the songs and the cheers. Every night, all of us would gather in our oversized t-shirts and trackpants and sing the songs thought to us by our trainers.

….

I would love to continue this post. But I just puked my guts out a while ago and am in no position to blog. Hope you all understand. Happy merdeka. The gist of it is that I had a great time in National Service. Will edit this when i get back.