There Has To Be An Explanation

One of the traits I hate most about myself is my naivety. Joking crudely about 18sx things and not being able to accept certain things that adults do are two different things. I hate it how I am so underexposed and every time I hear it, I fall back in shock.

In this time an era, there’s no happily ever after, right? A man might swear that he only has one woman in his life but not all men can make do with only one woman in their lives. Of course people break up and therefore accumulate more men and women in their lives but I’m talking about people who already have someone in their lives and yet decide to bed a few more.

To curb your curiosity, this is not about me. Up till now, I can tell you that I’m lucky enough to have someone who persistently re-instills my trust in men whenever I hear about such things. But we both agreed that anything can happen to anyone of us so we just cherish each and every moment that we have and try to rectify the most minor mistakes in our relationship. I’m happy that way. This weekend, it’ll be three years that I’ve been with him.

Most long term relationships are like a bacteria growth curve. You have the lag phase where things start to heat up. Then you have the log phase where the both of you basically go out of your way to impress the other in the first few months. It’s also known as the “3 Months syndrome” that most girls miss. But I’m happy being in the stationary phase. This plateau zone of comfort. If I’m lucky, this linear line will be a long long one. In a way, I know I have a companion no matter what happens. The death phase is of course, when a relationship starts to fall apart. It could happen tomorrow, it could happen 40 years down the road. This is where being naive is a disadvantage.

But no matter how secure or how comfortable you are, there is always this fear that you subconsciously nurse. If this can happen to her, why can’t it happen to you? Maybe it won’t be with your current man. But what if you have the ill-fortune to be in a relationship with a person who cheats?

This is where the post begins. When a man cheats and when a woman cheats. It doesn’t matter which gender does it, someone ends up getting hurt. But what hurts me as a person the most is when I hear a man justify another man’s action by saying, “For guys, sex and love are two different entities.”

What the fuck?

I can’t describe to you how heavy my heart felt when I realized that this mindset is not uncommon among the people around me. I want to cry for all the women that have been hurt by this very belief. The tears don’t fall because it’s not happening to me. But this lump in my throat is a persistent one.

Some people cheat because their relationship is not working out. It’s gonna end up the same way, so in a way it is semi-justified.

But what about people who cheat and yet have no intentions of getting out of a relationship? In my head I paint a picture of a monster that is so horrible and it stays and eats me from inside out.

Maybe sex and love CAN be two different entities if you’re a bachelor who is happy playing the field. If you’re single and have a heart of steel, then YES, it is JUST sex.

But what if you have a girlfriend? Is sex and love STILL mutually exclusive? More and more faith flows out from me for each and every time I hear a man agree that sex and love are two different things.

You’d be surprised to know that it’s the most decent of guys who can tell me that they agree with this. Friends whom I thought were perfect gentlemen are the ones who tell me this.

But you know what? You might even be surprised to know that these people who cheat are actually really really good people if you are not involved with them romantically. Another guy friend told me, “A guy who fools around can also be a really really good guy to others.”

Imagine the blow it gave me when I found out a couple of really nice guys could actually do such a thing. All this time I thought they were super nice and are the type whom girls can easily bring home to impress their families. Of course I thought badly about these few guys whose deeds I’ve heard about.

But you know what’s strange? When I talk to these guys, I could not sense any ‘bastard vibes’ emanating from them. All those Ra Ra Ra Men Sucks discussion-fueled anger disappeared just like that. I’m back to accepting them as a person and enjoying their company once again and at the same time putting their shady misdeeds aside.

What scares me is that I’m starting to accept the fact that men can be total bastards to the women in their lives but they can still remain as Mr. Nice Guy to others. Very scary and very strange.

Again, I’m not going to be so naive to think that women can never do such things. It could happen to anybody. But allow me to use the examples that I’ve mostly seen.

A one night stand might mean nothing to a lot of people but if you’re that a lot of people’s girlfriend, it means a lot more to you. How is one screw worth it for the heartbreak that you will cause? Even if you’re “SO sorry I’ll never do it again”, how is it justified? Why must it be done at all? Why mend a relationship that you tore apart in the first place?

Another logical reason to not sleep around is of course the STD factor. If a person can bed you so easily, imagine the amount of rubbish he or she has had in the past. I don’t need religion to scare me, all I need is science. How do you feel if you’re the reason why your poor girlfriend/boyfriend contracted a sexually transmitted disease? Most STDs are long term diseases that make your genitals look like a war zone but nothing can be more heartbreaking than allowing someone to unwittingly contract the disease along with you. Don’t even get me started on HIV as that would seriously seriously suck.

I know there can be a reason to cheat and I slightly sympathize with people who have unfulfilling relationships and proceed to do so. But why do it to someone who is under the illusion that they are in a happy relationship? Please have a heart.

I’ve thought long and hard about wanting to password protect this post. But I’m interested to hear what others think. Do you agree that sex and love can be two different things when you’re in a relationship where nothing is going (too)wrong?