We Now Have Preachers On Friendster, yo!

There are times when I have provocative photos up on Friendster and sometimes I have what-I-assumed-to-be-provocatives photos of me up on my account. In other words, there are times when I have a full inbox and there’s that dry spell sometimes.

Nope, never been one of those girls who have an overflowing friendster inbox with Ah Beng’s begging to be friends. I don’t think I’m an Ah Beng’s cup of tea.

There was this one guy who viewed my friendster though.(among 140 viewers since the start of the month. I may be sad, but not THAT pathetic as to be excited about ONE guy) So he seemed like a very down to earth(read: far from your average egomaniac metrosexual (read somemore: bit nerdish, someone who has worked in the IT line far too long type)). And I’m judging from his profile photo. Graduation day, very happy looking, with a bouquet of flowers. His age? 27. Hmm. Someone hasn’t been camwhoring in a very very long time.

He left pretty intriguing messages. A nice change compared to the usual suspects of “Can I friendster you?” “Can u gif me tel number? I want meet you.” “Can I make an introduction between my penis and your vagina?”

Obviously you know I made the last one up. No Friendster-desperado types can conjure such flawless grammar in that last sentence. 🙂

So his first message was like this:

Boon Eu wrote:
hi jolene,

Just drop by to wish you a very happy mother’s day !!! What did u do or get for your mum on this special day ?

Fair enough. At least a little effort in trying to be friendly.

Jolene wrote:
hey:)
i got her Rose Body Lotion from Bodyshop…and what did u get your mother?

What? He seemed friendly. So, I, be, well, be friendly back..

Boon Eu wrote:

hi jolene,

is bodyshop having a sales ? where did u get that ? how much is that ?

apparently, i get her nothing. Just spend more time with her and help her in doing house chores. A simple life here…. u hv msn ?

It’s very hard to come across a Friendster weirdo who speaks passable english and actually asks more things than “Got photo? Wanna see your breasts.”

Once again I made the last bit of the sentence up. We ALL know Friendster desperados CANNOT structure a sentence like that!

Jolene wrote:
erm yes. but can we talk through friendster? i prefer that.

no… Rm39.90. Bought at Sunway Pyramid’s branch.

welll..at least u spend time with her;)

I don’t like to add people to my MSN only to ignore them after awhile. Waste of space you know? For sure I’ll ignore someone I don’t know..

Boon Eu wrote:
errmm….. sure…. i can understand why u want to talk in friendster first..

u bought at sp ? I just pass by there just now, came back from midvalley.

u also spend time wif ur mum wut. still studying ? wht course r u taking ? i cant really see the details cause im not in ur friend list yet.

what do u like to do usually ? whts ur chinese name?

I get bored very easily with tennis type of messages. I hit you back, you hit me back. Clearly we have nothing in common and clearly I’m just being nice. So enough lah, let this message rot in my inbox.

Three days later, I get another message from this Boon Eu fella:

hi jolene,

I think i gave you a reply through friendster and still not yet receive your reply. Been wondering, is this the end of the communications. Well, if you visit my site, there might be some perceptions that i’m like a female photo collector like most people think. Hey, i add, i write, i reply and i write and i really do communicate. Now when u see this, u must have thought if you really do, u must be the most busy person in the world, there are 400++ ppl in your list !!!! Well, some reply for a short period n then disappear, some write write write also dont reply, some deleted me w/o my knowledge, some reply within the range of 2 sentences, some reply until
not enough space then we shift to email but hey, those who reply are about 1% of my list.

You aren’t in my list, u reply but u stopped. I was wondering what is the purpose of being here. Isn’t this place is for making friends ? Some told me, internet can not trust, the details is fake, the pic is fake, the things they put is fake, the stories they tell also fake…. watever these ppl are fake….. okay!!!! so everything in this cyberworld is fake …..so what is real ? why are ppl flocking over here and pretend making friends ? If there are real ppl wif real stories n details in the net, y aren’t they open to sincere friends? Then they answered, they don’t know you, you are behind the screen, can’t verify at all…….I said, you got a point…. so what if i lie to you right on your face, can u tell that im lying ? Hahaha… got them….

Then they said, the ppl in their list are all known, they know them in real life…… Oh okay…. so y cant they meet me in real and then i be their real friend? they said, safety mah…. who knows you are a serial rapist killer with a vampire sucking teeth
with a monster inside you who are planning to pounce on them when you got the chance ? Bad news bout these stories is on and off in the press, don’t u know ? I said, okay……, so everything here is fake, people who dare to make me their real
friends is risking their life for being killed, raped, brutally tortured by this possible monster in everyone of us…. So this is a place to group only known existing friends who they already known for years in real life….

So where do i seek new friends ? All my friends from college are here n there except where i stay….. and i am forbid from this crowded places filled with killing smokes which flocks over there and drink liver killings liquid.. so how ? how ar,
huh ??? Go back to school ? Go to gym ? Hmm…. maybe go to bookstores…. haha….. Jolene, what do u do for ur leisures ? Is your friends all your
existing known real friends ? What is your concern for now ?

-Boon Eu.

Jolene wrote:

You’re scary. I ignore people on friendster for leisure. Yes, all 500+ people on my list are friends from real life. My concern is you.

Bye bye.

o_o Nah, I didn’t send that back to him. I also malas to reply. Later he send me another loooong message. Wastage of brain space to try and read through it.

Freak!! Have you ever had someone demand that you reply their messages??? By the way? Bad english..baaaad baaaaaaaad baaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaad. Sorry lah, abit anal about these things. I know I don’t speak(most of the time) or write(sometimes) like the Queen Of England, but if it’s my first time talking to a certain someone, I will be trying my very best to avoid the simplest grammatical blunder.

That aside, my god. Will you look at his novel of a Friendster message?? And those points are quite silly.

If someone doesn’t want to be a friend, she won’t reply. Take the hint, buddy. No need to reply with an entire thesis discussing about the pros and cons about making friends online. Furthermore it is not even ENTICING to talk to a stranger.

Gone are the days of adding random people to my ICQ list and surfing IRC to make “new friends”. Those were the days when only a grand total of 2 people from my standard 6 class had internet at home.

These days? I can’t even find time or energy to layan ALL my real life friends online(I still love you guys, you know I do. Just message me anytime,we’ll catch up.. yam cha or something?) and most of them don’t message me for nothing because they are very busy as well.

Whereelse, friends through blogging, that’s a whole new genre. We share the same interests, we have a slight understanding about each other’s lives via our blogs… but other means of friends-making ie. Skype, Friendster, MSN Pages, what not what not.. ugh. So … I don’t know…internet noob(female)/internet perv(male.).

Wanted: A Bangla Grass Cutter and The Da Vinci Code.

I’m actually back for a couple of hours before my practical class at 2pm. Sigh. We wanted to pop over to Central Square(the one and only shopping mall in Sungai Petani) to catch The Da Vinci’s Code. The only good thing about Kedah is that on opening days of major blockbusters…. nobody throngs the malls. 🙂 Hence the heavily media-influenced students from my uni who hail from KL, Penang and anywhere else where the media has covered get nice rows and rows of empty seats. Can book for the entire class and you don’t even need to break the group up to sit in different areas.

*sniggers at those who cannot get ticket to see DVC back home*

Li Shen has made some noises about wanting to shift out because the house is too dirty. I mean anywhere else would be dirty too if we didn’t clean it right? The papaya tree is really giving me a headache. The rotten papayas on the floor are so scary that we don’t even know what to do about it but hold our breath and run to the door/gate when we enter/leave the house. We’re looking out for Bangla grass cutters to help us. This calls for the Big Bangla Hunt. I don’t think I’ve ever been this eager to look out for Banglas along the road side.

There are a few who live in the empty shot lots near my university. But mY DaDdY toLd Me NoT To waLK AlONe In ThaT AreA WoRrRR…
It’s like a whole Bangla village there. Every morning you can see them crossing the highway in throngs, leaping over the dividers and barricades. Can just imagine them singing a Semangat Bekerja type of song ala Hey Ho Hey Ho from Snow White. Maybe I’ll tail one and corner him individually and ask him for the favour.
Of course I’ll pay him lah. I can’t tahan the smell anymore. I mean how much can it be? Less than RM40?

I don’t want to go up to a whole group of Bangla workers and ask them, because that way a bigger group of people would know where we stay and it’s not very safe and all.

Anybody going for Grease Musical this weekend?? 🙂 I am! What to wear ar? It was such a pity that I missed Saturday Night Fever and Fame. The last and only musical I ever went to was Cats. I like plays and theatre productions and big scale musicals… but it’s just too bad that I am too far away from home to ever get to attend any of it. 🙁

Actually hor…I’ve got a secret passion to take part in plays one. 😛 Shh. Don’t tell anybody. *giggles*


Here’s a video of Angel having a go on my spinning chair.


On Wesak Day I went to Sunway Pyramid with She Dee and Mun Teng.


And bumped into Jennifer at Factory Outlet Store! She was damn red due to the sunburnt she got from the X-games.

I know lah, this post very boring. But I’ve not done eat shit sleep posts in ages. 🙂 I like lah, you blow ar?

A Happy Woman’s Narcissism Must Be Beared

Sometimes a woman gets too emotional for her own good.

She picks up the phone and does silly things to bring confusion to everyone involved. Unneccesary heartaches.

If you don’t understand, try having your period while you are living alone away from home and everyone and everything that matter to you.

The poor unassuming boyfriend takes the shit she lashes out.

Sorry dear, I promise to stop my emoness.

He picked me up all the way from Pudu Raya on Thursday night to save me the hassle of taking the train back with a bottle of water and a snack bar, knowing very well what I need after 5 hours of ass-pimple-producing journey. I love you for that dear. 🙂

After long talks, a long supper, a walk under a 3am night sky near our old primary schools(he was from Lick Hung, I was from SRSS19. Two schools situated side by side. Yet we never knew each other till secondary school.) hand in hand..


I came home to find this on my bed and felt so happy because I love little surprises. 🙂 Little meaningful surprises.

Two mornings later, I was awoken by a stranger outside my house. I went out with just-out-of-bed hair, unbrushed teeth and old volleyball school jersey with shorts to peer sleepily at the gate.


Thank you dear. Thank you so much. You needn’t have to. 🙂 You had me at “Happy Wesak Day”. 😀 Wonder what the florist must’ve thought.


That perhaps you’re crazy to send something so sweet on a religious day.


It made my day. My week, my month….haha,enough to sustain me till I see you again.


I’ve been very petty for the past few weeks. But something bigger cropped up and I’m not going to stand in the way. He got an ASEAN scholarship to do Biological Science in NTU, Singapore. All he needs to do is pass this Thursday’s interview, and he’ll be there in August. A 3 years course with a 3 years bond with the Singapore government.


One.

And me? I have 4 more years here in Kedah. Another 3 years with the government and god knows where they will post me to.


Two.

As for now, the plan to do our government posting together has been scraped since he won’t be graduating as a pharmacist in Malaysia.


Three.

Embarking on another period of long distance relationship. The minimum amount of years would be about 7 – 8 years.


Four.

I’ll be 26 or 27 years old or more before I know what it’s like to have something most of you have everyday.


Five.

=) He made me see that all hope is not lost. As we’ll co-ordinate our schedules to see each other often enough.


Six.

Two weeks. Two buses. North of Malaysia. South of Malaysia.


Seven.

I will miss him. 😐


Eight.

No one should stand in the way of anybody’s education.


Nine.

Because even if you promise someone Forever, things can still turn around and break away.


Ten.

It’s still bad, but at least it’s only Singapore and Malaysia.


Eleven.

And my mum said I can visit him in Singapore whenever. 😀


Twelve.

I’ll probably appeal and appeal to the government to send me to Johor after I graduate.


Here’s to us, cheers:)


Why can’t roses stay soft, sweet smelling and pretty forever?


=) Another bouquet to stand the wear of time.


l-r: Valentine’s Day bouquet from him back in form4(2002), Valentine’s Day Bouquet from him back in form5(2003). Yes, I have dead things in my room that’s about 4 years and 3 years old. LOL.I swear if you flick the roses, they’ll break into powder form and fall to the floor. I should have kept last year’s Valentine’s Day bouquet. Too bad my mum made me put it into a vase and it decomposed. ;(

Batch 3 Of Sweet Bachelors

Editted at 12.49am 15/5/06:
Nobody has the rights to tell me that the quality of my bachelor posts are bad. You come here, and gush about how cute wheoever is if you have to. But don’t come bitching to me in real life or MSN saying things like how I should intro/scout more desirable/badboy/hunky/rich types for you to oggle.

These are my friends, and this is all in jest. If you like eye candy, then come here and have some. If say, strawberry ginger chicken floss type of candy is not your taste, then shut up before I bitch slap you to the other side of the moon. Irritating betul.

Even though I may joke about things like, “Eh, I have new stock” or “I charge by the hour…”….. but please don’t delude yourself that this is some service that I have been indebted to provide you with lah. Demanding for extravagantly high quality and all. It’s just… FOR….laughs…..

Oh, and I don’t do girls. It’s just not cute for a girl to pimp a girl. To quote Phua Chu Kang:
“Man touch woman is called molest, woman touch man is called syok,”.

And Jolene also wants to add a quote:
“And woman touch woman is called sien.” To me lah. I know got boys like girl on girl action right. Sorry ar, me no cater to that variety of taste.

See the rationale?

And guys? I will pimp you if I’m the one who asks you for your permission. I’ve accepted requests from people close to me because, well they are close to me. *hugs those who are close to me* If I don’t know you very well.. it’s just not fun to pimp lah. But from now on, requests are closed. My email address is solely for obtaining more information on my sweet bachelor boys.

Peace.

I’m sorry if I’ve been playing dangle-the-carrot-in-front-of-the-bunnies for too long, but I need to wait for the enthusiasm to settle in before I attempt another post right? I’ve been scouring high and low for my single guy friends. And some friends even requested to be pimped. Whoever who requests get their mugs up first.

What I’m trying to do is just to put your everyday-boy-next door type out to the market and highlight things about them that I’ve noticed. It’s fun because I know these boys, and I know them well. Though some I’ve only known for awhile, I try my best to highlight that sweet little something that all girls desire in their ideal guy.

However, no pimptress photos this time around. 😛 I left my hat back in Kedah so the effect just won’t be the same without it. Next round there’ll be photos of your lovely pimptress..and business has been VERY GOOD. I’ve even bought myself a shawl to go with the whole Lady Mafia Boss look. Hahaha.

Yee Hou got the ball rolling(just like Calvin in the previous post) so his face will get to go up first.;)


Tan Yee Hou is a 19 year old business student in Monash Malaysia. However, I’ve only known him for less than a month but I’ll try to highlight what I have observed. Eager, sweet and willing, the perfect candidate to tie up in bed get to know. Hehe. As far as I know, he is not those ugh-i’m-not-talking-to-you-plain jane arrogant types. These breed of men is fast disappearing from the face of the Earth.


Can you help him?

For more information on Yee Hou..
Please email me at jolenelai@gmail.com with the subject: Tantalizing Tan Yee Hou

I need more men.

So I scrolled through my MSN list and frantically messaging a handful at a go, “OEI STILL SINGLE KE..?”.. lol. What a way to start off conversations. Tsk, tsk. Some tact.

Victim number 1:

Miss Lai: MATTY ARE U STILL SINGLE…..
Miss Lai: matttttyyyeeeeeeewwww *NUDGE*
Matthew: hie hiee!  lol sorry, your nudges are ineffective, muahahaha being single
is no crime. *pokes*
Miss Lai: Are you still single?! Question! Hahaha Answer me!!
Matthew: Well yea, no want ones.
Miss Lai: LOL Bullshit, if I am single, you’d be in trouble. Listen. Go read my blog.
Matthew: *whinnnes*
Miss Lai: I want to pimp you as a sexy bachelor on my blog.
Matthew: What’s that? Pardon my ignorance. Riggght… that’s not gonna work.
*pokes you again* wah you gave them all little nicknames.
Miss Lai: Yeah, you’ll get yours too. M…. mm.. I’ll think of something. Magnificient
Matthew or Magical Matthew.
Matthew: Ceh wah! I like..no wait, not the magical one.


Matthew Ong Yi Khai. 21 years old Mass Communication student in Taylor’s College Petaling Jaya and is currently doing his internship with NTV7. A lad who appreciates the finer things in life, the finer music, the finer wine,…the list goes on. Did I mention that he sings extremely well? He was the voice coach for the cast of Taylor’s College’s Society of Performing Arts’ 2004 Production: Hip Hopera. Some of you may have heard of The ComeBackKings. They played a huge role in putting up Hip Hopera for the masses. Matthew is down to earth, a very very important criteria.


With camwhoring abilities such as these, his photography skills are amazing as well.
Hop over to his blog to see more photos! (His link can be found on my side bar).


I like the fact that he is humble and is always eager to be friendly to you.
Confession on my part: I was the make up artist for Hip Hopera 2004 and Matthew had a part in the play. So I thought he was damn cute and decided to do his make up. At the same time, I took the opportunity to molest his face because I had to “uh, smudge the blusher abit more..” and caressed his cheeks and chin and nose……..didn’t wanna wash hand after that. Wakakakkaa.


And com’n, who can resist a guy with a sense of humour?!

For more information on Matthew..
Please email me at jolenelai@gmail.com with the subject: MAGICAL Matthew. (HAHAHA, I win, matthew. As it is MY blog after all.)

Victim/Sweet Bachelor Number 2:

Miss Lai: Korkorbear!!! Are you still single?!!
Dennis: Hey Joeybear..Yea why?
Miss Lai: YAYY..
Dennis: You not in single club also why you yay?
Miss Lai:can I pimp you on my blog? I’ve gotten Josh in on it too. I’m looking
for nice single guy friends.
Dennis: Wtf?!
Miss Lai: HAHAHAH EXACTLY HIS REACTION.
Dennis: Wtf what do you mean pimp? You wanna pimp your KKB?!!
Miss Lai: hahaha haiyo go see my blog la
Dennis: How can you do this to me?
Miss Lai: It’ll put a smile on the other bears’ faces.(We are part of one happy bear family. Long story.)
Dennis: LOL Jo jo jo jo jo…you are really something special. Yeah, it’s a good
laugh. …..BUT I DON’T WANNA BE A GOOD LAUGH!!! Lol..okok la do
whatever you want. You want my pic ar?
Miss Lai: HAHAHA..I want i want.. YAY. I make the girls so so happy. Sexy Dennis.
Yummey.


Dennis Chan Fong Hoong.A 22 year old who is just fresh out from ACCA(professional accounting course.. no matter how many times he explains it to me, it still goes out my other ear). This guy is like the big brother I never had. I used to have SO MUCH respect for him(not that I’ve ever stopped respecting him) that I never dared to do my dirty jokes on him.. hahaha it’s a whole different story now though. Popular, smart, sincere… heck, he was a LIVING legend in my primary school. Being the head prefect of SRSS19 back in 1996, this little puny 9 year old student was already in awe of The Dennis Chan Of SRSS19 Subang Jaya.

Reliable, street smart, the perfect gentleman, the perfect son in law……

There is NOT a single mother/grandmother in my gang of friends that is not madly in love with him. I am serious. Melody’s grandmother is a good example for one.

To add to the effect, I interviewed my own mother.

Me: Mum, what do you think of Dennis?
Mum: Obedient…well mannered..pleasant.


Did you know that he had a modelling stint once? *snigger snigger together-gether with Melody who had an Internship with Seventeen*
Many thanks to Miss Tham Wai Ping for the photo!! (She was the only one online at 1.30am who seemed most likely to collect every issue of Seventeen Magazine.:P We love girly magazines!! My copy is back in Kedah..so I had to ask her to help me out.:))


I don’t know about you, but being funny is so so so important in a guy. If you’re not funny, please go die. 🙂 But so far all the guys I’ve pimped are fun and funny. Hence they get pimped, because, they’re worth it. 🙂

For more information on Dennis,
Please email me at jolenelai@gmail.com with the subject: Divine Dennis

Victim/Sexy Bachelor 4:

Miss Lai: Shall I Pimp You?!?!
Guan Lim: Hello.
Miss Lai: Hello? Can I pimp you?
Guan Lim: What’s the matteR? I just pangsai-ed. What pimp? You are selling
bachelors ar?
Miss Lai: Hahaha ya. Are you one?
Guan Lim: Yea I’m one. What are you gonna write about me? I’ve only met you like
three times. Aren’t you gonna interview me first or something?
Miss Lai: Okayyyeee…what are you studying? What are your qualities? How would
you please a woman?
Guan Lim: hahahha..your new blog idea is so wtf. What else you want to know? I
was born on the 29th of October 1986..
Miss Lai: Haiyo no need so detailed lah. What are your qualities? What are your
promises to a woman?
Guan Lim: My philosophy is like buddhist. Promise nothing therefore deliver
everything. Not like *not good to say other people’s religion*, promise
everything and deliver nothing.
Miss Lai: Hahahahha set.
Guan Lim: If you’re gonna write about me, it has to be goddamn fucking long.
Miss Lai: *rolls eyes*
Guan Lim: If not wasted all my effort of being sold. Ok more questions pls.
Miss Lai: Cis. I invite you dah kira honoured lah! Bising!! Okay, what are you
looking for in a girl?
Guan Lim: My dream girl? Oh well I’m a sad case person. When lighting strikes, I’ll
like that someone for a long long time. The girl who can make me smile.
The girl who can make my heart beat damn fast, is who I am looking for.
Miss Lai: Okay, great.
Guan Lim: More questions please. my profile not half done also.
Miss Lai: YOU’RE NOT GETTING A WHOLE NOVEL LA!!!


Ng Guan Lim is a 20 years old economic and finance student in Hong Kong University in well, Hong Kong! HONG KONG! Whoever goes to beautiful Hong Kong to study? Some people are just so lucky. Eloquent, articulate and talkative are definitely qualities you would find in Guan Lim. As you can tell from the above conversation script, he is a big ngam cham. hahaha.
If you’re worried about silent moments or awkward gaps in conversation, this fella can fill them up with his various stories.

Like there was once when I bumped into him at my local hair salon, and he sat next to me (while I was getting my hair washed) and entertained me with all his Hong Kong anecdotes. LOL.


Guan Lim is a well mannered, well spoken young fella.


This is his current hairstyle by the way. The whole Shaolin Monk thing must be something hot in Hong Kong now.*pimptress is NOT in touch with Hong Kong fashion*

For more information on Guan Lim,
Please email me at jolenelai@gmail.com with the subject as: Gimme Guan Lim

ALRIGHT folks, sorry for the long wait. I have like another 4-8 more bachelors to pimp. So, I’ll be back. In the mean time I hope to post more personal posts too.:P